Nothing's Ideal
by BestWishesXO
Summary: Jason McCann *Justin Bieber* kidnaps Leah Collins, the daughter in a wealthy family. What starts as a simple job becomes something neither of them understand, but something neither of them want to give up. M for language, and "situations".
1. Chapter 1

Mile six. Go Leah, go. My heart was pumping through my chest, my breath was becoming shallower and shallower, but I could see my house, it was coming into sight. I couldn't give up now. With my last reserve of strength I powered through a heavy rock song beating into my ears, sprinting all the way to the driveway of the monstrocity of a house I live in. Practically limping I stumbled in.

When I got in something felt off. Did I really leave my cell phone on the couch, even though I could've sworn I put it on the table as I was leaving to begin my run? Weren't the curtains opened? I tried to shake the thought out as I slid the elastic out of my thick brown hair. Hair that Seventeen magazine lovingly describes as "relaxed", the hair that definitely isn't straight but also doesn't venture into the wavy or curly category either. I looked in the mirror at my paranoid grayish-blue eyes, my athletic body tense. I took a deep breath and tried not to think about it.

After a shower and changing into a soft pair of jeans and a worn t-shirt, it happened.

A hand clamped down over my mouth and another grabbed me around the waist. I kicked desperately as I was lifted into the air and tried to scream, but it was too muffled to do any good. I tried to get a decent look at my captor. He couldn't have been over 18 from the fevered glances I managed to get. But he was strong. He was silent as he carried me, still thrashing around desperately. I was thrown into the back of a maroon van, and the door was slammed and locked behind me. I was immersed in complete darkness.

I couldn't help it. I started to cry on the spot. I pulled my knees against my chest and rocked back and forth, trying to calm myself down. But I was in a state of complete and utter panic.

And that's when I came face to face with Jason McCann.

Everyone in the Nevada area and probably beyond had heard of Alex and Jason McCann. The school they went to couldn't have been twenty minutes away from mine, and kids knew kids who knew kids. The whole thing had been a fascination for weeks. What I couldn't understand was why I had been dragged into it now.

"Crying won't really help you much," Jason said darkly. He had opened the door of the van and slid in next to me, carrying a flashlight and handcuffs.

"I hope you're not planning to use those on me," I snapped, turning away from him.

"There's not really a lot you can do about it though, sweetie," he said. He clicked the flashlight on and climbed on top of me, effectively weighing me down as he clicked a cuff on one wrist, then wrapping the chain around a bar before clicking the other one in. "These things always come in handy. Stealing from cops never really has much of a downside."

"Besides the whole karma thing," I said.

"Karma's a load of shit," Jason said, still on top of me, his hair falling onto his face. I could see he had a black eye. Curiosity overtook me but I figured he didn't really want to talk about it.

"I don't know, seems pretty reasonable to me," I said. I'd gone from crying to carrying on a conversation with Jason McCann in about four minutes. "It's like everything has an equal and opposite reaction, you know?"

"Kind of explains what I do. They killed my brother, I'll kill them," Jason said.

"Whoa now, who are you killing?"

"The cops that killed Alex," Jason's face softened for a fraction of a second. "He was the only person I had, the only person in the entire world. And they killed him like he was a monster."

"I'm sure they were just doing their jobs..."

"Bullshit," Jason interrupted, but didn't elaborate on this thesis. Instead he finally got off of me. The bar that I was chained to was low enough so that I could lay down without being extremely uncomfortable. I tried to make that a positive part of this situation.

The van started up and began to rumble along. I knew that we were leaving my house, my home, probably my town. I started to cry again, a deep, silent cry.

"I'm not happy about this either, but the money your father will give us for a ransom..."

"What?" I exclaimed. "You can't do that!"

"Actually," Jason said, looking down at me, "I'm doing it right now. Like or not, your family's loaded, and we need money for supplies." He absent-mindedly traced circles on my leg with his index finger. "We're just going to keep you with us for a few days, and once daddy pays for you we'll let you free, no worse for wear."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I can't say it'll be the same for you."

Jason laughed humorlessly. "You're spirited," he said, climbing on top of me again. He lifted up my t-shirt and began trailing slow kisses on my ribcage. I was absolutely still, holding my breath as goosebumps pricked on my skin. "I love this control I have over you," he breathed, hot. The temperature of his breath mixed with the wet spots left by his kisses, and I shivered involuntarily.

"Jason," I heard a voice say. "We gotta talk you about something." I looked up. It was the guy who grabbed me, I'm sure of it. Jason began to get off me, but before he did, his hot, aroused breath whispered in my ear.

"We'll continue this later, baby," he said. He sucked on my earlobe for a second before getting up and following his friend, where they spoke in hushed tones. I was left alone, wondering what that moment meant. And even if I sort of well,_ liked_ it.


	2. Chapter 2

The gentle rumbling of the truck caused me to fall asleep, and before I knew it I was being carried, not by Jason, but by his associate again. With cloudy eyes I saw Jason ahead of him, carrying a few suitcases. The sky was the milky blue color of early dawn, and the air was brisk with March weather. I had no idea where we were, and all my tired brain cared about was the source of more sleep and where it was going to be. And also getting out of the arms of this brawny gentleman.

The house I was being taken into was old, painted white and light blue but chipping to brown underneath. It was a farm, with long, rolling hills and ample acres of fields, browned by the winter. Trees framed the estate, but I couldn't get much more of a view because Jason's associate had taken me into the house.

Non-matching, faded and worn out furniture was clearly a central theme. I almost felt like I had stepped back in time, like my captors were time-travelers, when I saw a newish-looking TV in the living room and laptops on the coffee table. I was carried up a creaky flight of stairs into a master bedroom, where I was laid down on the bed. The last thing I remember before succumbing to sleep was Jason lifting my legs and sliding them under the cool, quilted covers.

When I woke up Jason was sitting on the bed. The first thing I noticed was my hands were no longer cuffed. "No more handcuffs? I've leveled up?" I asked, my eyes wide with fake surprise.

"Don't make me regret the decision," Jason said, in a way that I couldn't decide was joking or brooding. He handed me a strawberry Pop-Tart and talked as I wolfed it down. "This is the main headquarters, essentially. Don't bother asking where you are, because I won't tell you. Don't try to escape, there's about 5 of us around and we'll see you and then you'll be back to the handcuffs."

"Thanks for the advanced warning, buddy," I said, getting out of the bed and walking over towards the window. All I could see for miles was fields upon fields. We were at least out of Nevada, I knew that much.

"You aren't even going to ask about last night?" he asked, walking up behind me.

I turned towards him and reached for his face. "What happened to your eye?"

He swatted my hand away. "None of your fucking business." The air in the room was suddenly full of tension. "We have a lot of stuff for you to do anyway."

"A lot of stuff" turned out to be chores. The people living here were filthy, dishes piled up in the sink, bathrooms atrocious, and everything either dusty, muddy, or just plain dirty. I scrubbed, dusted, wiped, and swept all over the place, even did their laundry as they sat around the kitchen table, discussing future bomb plans that I could barely even follow the mechanics of.

"When are you telling my parents you have me?" I asked Jason as I folded laundry. He had stepped in to inspect my work.

"I'll make them sweat it out for a few days, then we'll record a video or something. I honestly don't fucking know. I know bombs, not people."

My throat closed, thinking of my parents worrying over me. My mom curled up on the couch crying, my father pacing around the room calling every connection he had, every person he had ever met in his entire lifetime. For the rest of the day as I worked through my chores that was all I could think about.

I was finishing up the dishes, putting the last one in the cabinet. One of Jason's associates came up from behind me and squeezed my ass. I whipped around. "Excuse me, but I'm a human being here," I said. It was the guy who had grabbed me originally, in my own home.

I didn't know where Jason was, maybe in another room, but this dude lifted me up onto the counter and started to feel me up, squeezing my breasts and moaning. "You're not just Jason's whore," he said, forcing my legs open and putting himself between them. He started to rub my crotch. "Come on you little bitch, you know you like it," I struggled against him as I had but he was unbelievably strong. He stuffed a dishtowel in my mouth and rubbed me harder.

"Get the fuck off her, Sanders," I heard Jason yell. Sanders looked over and took his attention off of me. I yanked the dishtowel out of my mouth and in a swift motion whipped him with it, in the ear, no less.

He held his ear in obvious pain. "You little whore. Jason, this chick's a total bitch. I don't even fucking know why we even keep her alive. Oh wait, you have a stupid little crush on her." He shoved me off the counter onto the floor, where I scrambled over to Jason and stood behind him.

"Don't be an asshole, Sanders. I'm the reason you're not in fucking juvie right now," Jason spat. "So I suggest you stay the fuck away from Leah or I will make sure the next bomb we plant will need to be set off manually. By you. And don't think people will call you a fucking martyr, Sanders. They'll just call you dead."

"Whatever man," Sanders said. "Not my fault you've got a soft spot for this slut."

"Yes, I'm a slut because I won't fuck you," I said. "I'm sure that sort of intelligence is just what landed you on the fast track to juvie in the first place. I folded your underwear, pal! That sort of thing does not permit a raping!"

I knew I had gone too far. Sanders' face deepened red with anger. "Jason I will fucking kill this girl, get her the fuck out of my sight."

"I don't have to do anything you tell me, Sanders. I'm the leader of this group, not you."

"Some leader you are," Sanders replied.

Another guy stepped into the kitchen. "Sanders, step off, it's not worth it."

"Jason's a cock-block," Sanders locked eyes with me. "And his chick is worthless. I don't even fucking know why we took her in the first place."

"It's called money, Sanders. It's not just what you use to buy weed," Other Guy said. "Look, let's just break this up right now. Jason?"

"Fine with me as long as he stops throwing himself on Leah," Jason offered, taking me by the arm and leading me up the stairs, staring straight ahead as we entered the master bedroom. He turned on the light and quickly locked the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

"Fun day," I said, sitting on the bed and facing Jason.

"Sanders is a dick," Jason explained. "Like, a true and total dick."

"I kind of got that. Did he give you the black eye?"

"What is your obsession with the black eye?" Jason wanted to know.

"...I wanted to know who to send the flowers to."

"If you want to send flowers to my guardian that's your fucking problem," Jason walked around the room, avoiding my eyes.

"Your guardian? Why did he do that?"

Jason finally looked at me. "He doesn't agree with what I do. I doubt you do. But especially him. He was supposed to care for me and shit, but he's like this peace-fucker so Alex and I messed up his image. When he found out about my latest schemes he gave me this lovely shiner that decorates my face today."

"Why do you plant bombs?"

"Look Katie Couric, I don't really want to do an interview today, alright?"

"You don't have to get all snippy about it."

"I do, or you'll keep asking."

"Nah, I'll probably just keep asking anyway."

"I really shouldn't have taken off your handcuffs. Now you think you can stand up to me."

"I can stand up to you. As Sanders said, I am your object of your affection. The Juliet to your Romeo. The cheese to your macaroni."

"Sanders doesn't know what the fuck he's taking about."

I crossed my legs on the bed. "Oh yeah? Then what was last night?"

"Me exhibiting control over you, my captive. Pretty simple shit."

"Really because if I'm not mistaken I'm pretty sure you were hard."

"You wish. You'd love for me to steal your virginity away, just so you can tell your friends that Jason McCann's got your v-card."

"How do you know I'm a virgin?"

"Am I wrong?"

"No. But I don't know how you figured it out."

Jason shrugged. "I took a shot. You kind of seem like one anyway."

"There are plenty of virgins that act like they aren't."

"Yes, but then again they don't really stay virgins for a long time, do they?"

"I suppose. But anyway Jason, don't think I'm not on to you. You totally want me."

"I want you...to stop talking about how I want you."

"Good one."

"It made you blush," Jason said.

"That was a momentary hot flash. I am in the early stages of menopause." Sexy move there, Leah. I'm surprised the dudes aren't lining up at your house. Really.

"That's hot."

"You like the older ladies, Jason? You like to disappear in their folds of skin and really make their rocking chairs rock?"

"You're disturbing. And wrong."

"Wrong in all the right ways."

"No. Just wrong."

"So what truth is there to what Sanders was saying?"

"You really should let this subject go," Jason sat next to me on the bed.

I got up off the bed. "I don't want to, I want to know."

"What if I told you that I am attracted to you?"

"I'd say get in line."

Jason approached me and stroked my collarbone. "What if I told you that when I told you we'd continue our fun later, I meant it?"

"I'd say I couldn't believe you actually said something you meant."

"I say plenty of things that I mean," Jason said, lifting my hair from my shoulders and kissing my neck. "I'm insulted that you would say such a thing. Someone should teach you how to speak to a man."

"Someone should tell you how to speak like a man," I murmured feebly as he looked up, his eyes meeting mine. He stretched to his full height, he was a few inches taller than me. Hesitantly we leaned in, slowly closing the gap between us.

"Your insults are cute," Jason said, his lips mere centimeters from mine. "But I think you're beautiful." His arms were around my waist, pulling me towards him, pressing my body against his as our lips finally came together.

He tasted like broken sunshine, and I could feel his need pouring into me. He flipped the lights off and lifted my shirt over my head, our lips only breaking contact for a few seconds. His breath was heavy and heated as he ran his hands over my breasts. "I want you so much," he whispered into the dark.

"Then take me," I challenged, taking his shirt off. He was defined in the ab area. He didn't have a six-pack but he certainly wasn't fat. All I knew at that moment was that I wanted him. Bad.

He pushed me onto the bed and climbed on top of me, unbuttoning my jeans and tugging them off my legs. He unhooked my bra and I moaned as he sucked on one nipple and massaged the other breast. I reached my hand down and found his hardness through his jeans. I began to rub it.

"If you're going to do that..." Jason said, and before I knew it he was taking his jeans off and throwing them across the room.

"Now I don't feel like it," I sighed. I crawled over to the top of the bed, positioning myself among the pillows and making my best come-hither face. Jason followed me as if enchanted, fitting his body to mine and playing with my breasts again. We kissed, and slowly he began to deepen the kisses. I felt like I was getting lost in a world he was creating for me, and every time we came up for air it took me longer to shake the disoriented, wonderfully dizzy feeling, until I couldn't shake it at all.

Jason practically ripped off my soaking panties. "I need to be inside you right now," he breathed.

"What's stopping you?" I asked, burying my hands in his rich golden-brown hair.

He looked at me in slight surprise. "You're going to let me?"

"Call it Stockholm Syndrome. But I need you inside me too. Do you have something?"

"Yeah," Jason said, tearing the drawer of the night-table open and fishing out a condom. I took off his boxers and he put the condom on his well-endowed arousal. He began his deep kissing again, holding me tight against him. I whimpered in pain as he broke my barrier. "It's okay baby, shhh, shhh. You know I'm only hurting you to make you feel good."

Hearing such tender words coming out of a guy whose favorite word is "fuck" melted my heart. He began to thrust inside of me, going extremely slow, taking himself almost all the way out of me each time. I gripped the bed tighter with each thrust, getting more and more intense each time. He began to suck on my earlobe and I thought I was going to go crazy or explode or something. I tangled my hands in his hair and forced him to me, sucking what I hoped would be a deep, dark hickey on his neck. He moaned into my ear with each forceful suck. He began to thrust deeper into me, grinding himself into me with more force.

He pushed me down farther into the sheets, in complete control. He slowly became rougher. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head, looking straight into my eyes as a climax began to build in my body. I tried to squirm but he was so effectively holding me down that I couldn't. Sounds of pleasure spilled out of me as his thrusts became short, desperate.

The orgasm was better than anything I could've ever imagined. I curled my toes as it released out of me. Jason couldn't help but grin at the sheer amount of euphoria he had given me. He came shortly after, pulling himself out of me and laying down on the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his warm, tired body against mine. Stroking my hair he whispered, "You are the most difficult, gorgeous person on the planet."

"Right back atcha," I whispered back as he kissed my neck. We eventually fell asleep, tangled in each other.


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke up, I was disoriented for a second, thinking I should've woken up in my own bed. Instead I woke up in a strange bed, alone. Slowly my sleepy mind put together that I was…well I didn't know _exactly_ where I was but I was aware of the fact that Jason McCann was holding me hostage and that last night in some moment of insane passion (or just insane insanity) I had let him take my virginity away from me. I sat up, looking around the room and scratching the back of my head. How could I have done this to myself? I'd known the guy maybe one full day, and I'd spent most of that time being terrified of him. This was not how Leah Collins typically acted. Leah Collins spent weeks making decisions. Leah Collins investigated every side of a story before picking which side seemed more realistic. Leah Collins always told her friends to wait until they were sure. My friends. I missed my friends.

But back to what I was thinking, what WAS I thinking? I tried to pull out any reasonable decisions that I'd made that night and I was coming up completely blank. I got out of bed and pulled on my clothes, the same clothes I'd been wearing for days now. I tried not to let it get to me as I wrapped an elastic around my hair. How could I let Jason McCann take my virginity? HOW?

"Hey babe, good night's sleep?" Oh. That's how.

I don't know if Jason actually looked better post-sex or what, but his eyes looked an even richer brown, his face looked even smoother, every aspect of him was heightened to a point where I was half-expecting angels to begin crooning from above. It was all I could take to not throw my clothes off and jump back into bed with him. He looked like he wanted to.

"You could say that," I replied.

He leaned against the doorframe and, so ever casually, like it was no big deal at all, said, "You're going to be on TV in a few minutes. Just wanted to let you know."

"What?" I exclaimed, pushing past him and running down the stairs into the room with the TV. I suppose you could call it a living room but I really didn't feel like they did much of just sitting around and "living".

At that moment there was a commercial on for makeup or something. Sanders and the rest of them already in the room gave me a look, as I was breathless upon entering the room. "No girl's ever run that fast from Jason's dick. Well, they've gotten close," Sanders said, taking a big bite of his Pop-Tart.

"Fuck off, Sanders," I said. Jason appeared behind me.

"Heard something going on upstairs last night. Sounds like Jason's reaping the benefits of Stockholm," Sanders said with a mouthful of Pop-Tart.

I couldn't hide my blush. But nobody looked at the me in the living room for long because soon they were looking at the me on TV.

"Leah Collins, daughter of real estate tycoon Carl Collins and self-help author Alisha Collins has been declared missing as of yesterday. 17 year-old Collins was last seen by her friends at school, before taking off in her Toyota Prius, which remains at her house. We go now to Haverford, her hometown, with Joyce Williams. Joyce?" The reporter sat back in his seat as the scene switched to a woman outside my house.

"Thanks, George. We're here with Julia Richter, one of Leah's friends from school. Julia, what do you think happened to Leah?"

"I think she was kidnapped," my best friend Julia said. Julia looked like she hadn't slept in days. Her makeup looked rushed and her clothes looked askew. Her hair, which was light brown and chemically straightened, looked perfect and in place, but I could see worry in her face and hear it in her voice. "She's the responsible one, you know? She said she was coming home and going for a run, and then we were going to hang out that night, with all our friends."

"What happened that night?" The reporter asked her, practically robotically, lifeless. Julia looked like she was going to cry.

"When she didn't show up we called her phone. Her mom answered and said she thought Leah was with us. We tried every possible place she could be, even all her ex-boyfriends. But we couldn't find her. And her car was still there. She would never run away. Somebody took her. Somebody took Leah," Julia was fully crying now. Then she looked up, her teary eyes connecting directly with the camera. "Leah, if you're out there, please come home." The desperation of her voice made me want to hug her. But I couldn't. Because of the whole TV thing and all.

"You heard her, Jason. Time to bring the spare home," Sanders said. Other Guy chose not intervene, keeping to himself and eating his breakfast of what looked like Mini-Wheats.

Jason's face clouded over. "We'll go make the video. Will that make you happy, Sanders?"

Sanders put his hand over his heart. "I will never achieve full happiness until your love leach is out of my sight."

I glared at him but said nothing. What could I say? I didn't want him and Jason getting into a fight. I didn't want to cause any fights. At that moment, all I wanted to do was go home and hug my best friend and my parents and my other friends and anyone else who was scared now that I was gone, like little girls watching the news with their parents. I couldn't take it anymore. "Let's go, Jason."


	5. Chapter 5

Jason decided to film it in the laundry room. It wasn't anything special. I told my parents that I'd been kidnapped by a gang, that I was safe and that they weren't hurting me. Jason told me where to tell them to meet, which was an address in California. I wondered if Jason said there for convenience or if he told him that so they wouldn't suspect where he was hiding out. After I was done, Jason switched off the camera and set it down on the ancient washing machine.

"At least that's over with," Jason said, not looking at me for awhile, seeming kind of like he was off in a faraway place.

"How did I look?" I wanted to know.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Of course you'd want to know how you look. You looked like you miss your family, and your home."

"And now?"

"You still look like that." Jason turned away from me. "I should've known this wouldn't work. Fuck."

"What?"

"Us. We shouldn't have slept together last night. I'm going to have to give you back to them. For a while there I'd thought you want to stay with me. But no girl wants to be on the road planting bombs with a bunch of crude, rowdy guys. Especially when one of them assaulted her."

I walked over to him. "I'm sorry." I meant it. I was torn. I felt something for Jason, something I couldn't figure out yet, something I wish I could explore. But we didn't have time for that. And I needed to go back home. Julia would kill me if I gave her gray hair, for one thing.

Jason grabbed me roughly by the shoulders. "You're SORRY? Oh that's just wonderful, that'll solve everything for us. I could enroll at your school and be a fucking jock and this whole kidnapping thing will just DISAPPEAR. Is that what you'd like, Leah?" He gripped me hard, staring into my eyes with a crazed, wild affection mixed with anger. I wasn't sure whether to be scared or incredibly turned on.

"What else am I supposed to do? I want to go home, Jason! I miss my family and my friends and my town. I know there's something between us here but I can't choose you over everything I've worked for. And you can't keep making everyone who cares about me worry. I'm dead for all they know! I have to go back for their sake, and probably mine too. You just wanted cash from kidnapping me anyway."

"That was what I wanted originally, but I didn't count on this shit! I didn't want this happen, do you think I did? I just wanted you to hide out here for a little then we'd just give you back and nothing would happen, goddamn it."

"You kissed me in the van."

"What?" I knew even as he said that, he knew what I was going to say.

"You were messing with me in the van. I'd barely even talked to you, Jason. But you were still messing with me, kissing me and all of that. You wanted to mess with me, you wanted to exhibit control over me."

Jason finally broke his fierce eye contact with me, looking down at the floor, almost looking embarrassed. "I'd seen your picture and everything, but when I saw you, I don't know. Something clicked. Did you feel that?" His gaze returned to my eyes, softer this time.

"I don't know. Maybe," I said, in a quieter tone. "But you're an asshole," I added, my voice gaining strength with this new accusation.

"What? Why?"

"Because you kidnapped me in the first place! You were probably planning to strap a bomb on me too, before you realized that you actually had feelings for me. Well aren't I lucky?"

"Probably," Jason said with a sudden grin on his face.

"You did this," I said, pointing my finger in his face. "You ruined my life. You've ruined everything."

"I didn't force you to sleep with me," Jason said.

"You were all seductive! You've probably gotten plenty of girls to sleep with you just by winking those stupid brown eyes and flipping your stupid golden brown hair and your stupid flawless stupid skin that's all stupid," As I was saying this, Jason grabbed my hand and put it on his face. I let it stay there for a moment until finally yanking it away. We were silent, staring at each other.

"So I've come to the conclusion...I'm stupid?"

"That's what I was implying."

"Then you're stupid."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Why is that?" I wanted to know.

"Because you're kissing an idiot."

"I'm n-" And you can guess what happened next. Jason's lips were warm and desperate on me. I fought as hard as I could against him, but he slowly began to pry open my jaw with his tongue. His tongue played with mine as I threw my arms around his neck. I didn't want the moment to end. The moment where I didn't have to think about leaving him, even if it meant being free. His hands traveled up my shirt and under my bra, his thumbs running over my nipples as he cupped my breasts. Pushing me against the wall his kisses became deeper and deeper, slower and more romantic. I tried to kiss back with as much fervor but he was so much stronger, even in his lips.

"You taste so good baby," he whispered into the kiss. Then I felt his hands slide out from my shirt and take the elastic out of my hair, burrowing his hands into the mess that had become it. He didn't seem to care though, all he wanted was more of me. More of me that I so very wanted to give to him, I wanted to give him every part of me, surrendering to his touch. He pushed me away from him as he ran a hand down the entire length of my hair. Our breath caught for those precious few seconds, staring at each other with heavy eyes. Then his lips crashed down on me and caught me in his tide again.


	6. Chapter 6

After a short shower (which I took alone, unfortunately, because Jason had to have a meeting with his cohorts) and finally laundering my clothes, Jason came up to me and said, "We're going on a job today. And you're coming."

"Uh, what?" I said.

"Yeah. We found out that one of the cops who killed Alex is near where we are."

"So you're going to bomb him?" I asked, terrified.

"That's the plan."

"No! Jason, why do you bomb people? You're a criminal."

"Chicks dig the lawless types," Jason said, half-joking.

I glared at him. I think I had made myself forget that Jason was a criminal. Mostly because I didn't want to think about it. But he was. He killed people by blowing them up. He was a murderer. "Don't do it, please. It's not worth it. I thought you were low on supplies?"

"Not really. Kind of, for our standards. But we've got a good amount. Besides, this guy deserves to die. He killed Alex, didn't you hear me?"

"Yes," I said. I didn't really know too much about Alex, and it seemed like a sensitive subject that I didn't want to touch on just yet. I wanted to think that Jason was just some normal teenage guy, like all the other guys that I've dated. But he wasn't. He was almost a completely different breed. He was intelligent, unbelievably attractive, but something dark was inside of him. Something I almost couldn't see if I tried hard enough. "Bombing isn't right, Jason."

"Thanks, Mom," Jason said. We were standing in the upstairs hallway. I heard rustling downstairs as the guys prepared to leave for where ever we were going. "Leah, I don't need your morality shit. Are you coming or not?"

"I don't want to," I said. "I know that you'll bomb someone with or without me but I won't be there to watch. And 'morality' isn't shit, it's what normal human beings go by."

Jason laughed at that, a cold, empty laugh. "Nobody's moral, Leah. Not anymore. Cops shoot teenage boys. People like Sanders rape girls. Everybody's fucked up, I'm just fucked up differently than everyone else."

I was silent. "I'm still not going."

"I can't leave you here alone," Jason informed me. "How do I know you wouldn't run away?"

"Where the fuck would I go?" I wanted to know, exasperated.

Jason didn't answer, instead choosing to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. Jason was sort of deceptively strong. You wouldn't really know by looking at him that he could pick me up like I was almost nothing. He held my legs strong while I beat at his back with my fists. "Put me down, Jason! Jesus fucking Christ put me the fuck down!" I couldn't believe the colorful language coming out of my mouth. I used to flinch every time someone said "bitch" on TV.

Other Guy came up to Jason. "Need the cuffs, man?" he asked.

"Unfortunately," Jason replied.

In a matter of seconds the handcuffs were back around my hands. Fuck, I hate these things. I felt powerless as Jason carried me out to the van. Instead of tossing me in the way back though he got in the front and then sat behind the passenger seat. It wasn't dark but it was at such an angle that no one could see I was in there. He sat down and dragged me between his legs, holding me tight to him, with his arms around my stomach. "Sorry, Leah," he offered.

Sanders and Other Guy got in the car too, with Other Guy driving and Sanders in the passenger seat. The van rumbled to life.

"We should've just cuffed the girl to the kitchen table or something," Sanders suggested.

"I'm right here, Sanders," I reminded him.

"I know, that's why I made the suggestion."

Jason rolled his eyes at me but I ignored him. It seemed to me that we were in a fight about half the time and all over each other the other half. I wasn't really sure which one this was since Jason had his arms around me like he'd never let go.

"So when we get there, Johnson, you survey the store. Sanders, you plant. I'll drive the van around so we don't look suspicious. I'll park the van outside the library down the street and then we'll park in front of the McDonald's and watch it go down."

"Sounds good to me," Other Guy, finally being named Johnson, said to him.

"What are you blowing up?" I had to ask.

"Convenience store. Don't worry Princess," he said mockingly. "It's one of those chain stores that come with gas stations, not some nice little mom-and-pop."

"How do you know he'll be in there?"

"I'll call him from a pay phone and tip him off," Jason said nonchalantly, as if he was describing what he did on a slow Sunday afternoon.

"Are you sure this is right?" I asked cautiously.

"Oh my god shut up," Sanders said from the front seat.

"What?" I said.

"We've heard enough of your shit. Just shut up and take it, we're going to blow up someone and if you want to fight us all then you're welcome to. I don't hesitate to hit a girl if she deserves it."

"That's enough, Sanders," Johnson said. He kept his eyes on the road but didn't hide his distaste for Sanders' crudeness.

Jason pulled me closer to him and despite me being angry with him I couldn't resist putting my head on his chest as he smoothed back my hair and kissed my forehead tenderly. I felt a rush of emotions run through me as his lips left my face. I was angry at him for hurting innocent people, don't get me wrong, but it's hard to be mad at hot guys, especially hot guys with your v-card. "I'm still mad at you," I reminded him.

"Mhm," Jason replied, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the car wall. I wondered if I exhausted him, or maybe he just didn't want to talk about it.

Awhile later, I didn't know how long, the van stopped and Johnson got out. Jason opened his eyes and they seemed to take on a new light, a light that meant he had a job to get done. He looked at me and smiled reassuringly at my handcuffed self. His black eye was faded and almost gone, and I could swear he got more attractive the less time we had together.

Johnson came back and said some things to Sanders that probably made sense to everyone in the van but me. Sanders and Jason nodded with understanding and Sanders grabbed a sports bag from next to him, walked to the back of the van, and upon opening it, I assume began loading his supplies into it. Johnson left the van too, and Jason jumped to the driver's seat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you guys so much for reading/subscribing/reviewing/and such. :)**

"Can I sit in the front?" I asked him.

"And risk people seeing you and reporting to the police? No," Jason said harshly, starting up the van and driving it around the town. From my view I could see that it looked so very small town. I saw a movie theater, a sweet little cafe, a guitar shop, all blissfully unaware that something was about to happen, as if standing on the edge of a cliff and inching closer. Jason seemed to feel that too. He didn't look at me or say anything to me, and his hands looked like they were gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Are you...nervous?" I said.

"Fuck no. I'm excited to get justice," Jason said, but his voice sounded shaky. He turned a corner, rather sloppily from what I could feel.

"So you cause others pain to get back for your pain?"

"Leah, I don't need this right now."

"Yes you do. Before you do something you'll regret."

"I don't regret bombing people. I regret what they did to get themselves bombed."

"And what did they do? Bring a criminal to justice? Protect themselves from being hurt?"

Jason pulled over and parallel-parked. Then he turned and stared straight into my eyes. "Did you just call my brother a criminal?"

"You're a criminal too."

His wave of anger wasn't halted, though it did calm slightly. "Is that how you see me, Leah?" he asked, sounding more tired than mad.

"I see what you are. You're a complicated person with many aspects," I began, looking at my handcuffs instead of him. "But one of them is criminal."

Jason unbuckled his seatbelt and walked over to me. He knelt down and touched my cheek with the back of his hand. "Don't you like that, Leah? You like the forbidden aspect. To everyone around you, you're a well-behaved girl who doesn't like to cause trouble, but underneath you just want to be dirty."

"Don't tell me who I am."

"Watch me," Jason said. He uncuffed one hand, holding it tightly in his hand while he stuck the cuff around a bar and clicked me back in. "We have a little while, Sanders and Johnson still have to set up. Come on, baby." Jason unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down my legs.

"Jason..." I said, but I couldn't explain my way out of this one, he could see how wet I was.

"You want me so much, you try to deny it but I always know. I make you fantasize. You want me inside you all the time, you want me to thrust into you and you want me to make you orgasm like I did last night when I took you, Leah. Don't hide it baby, I'll always get it out of you," Jason whispered hotly into my ear. He yanked my underwear off and separated my legs, putting himself in between them. He gripped my t-shirt. "You don't know how much control I have to exhibit to not rip this off of you right now."

I was defenseless, my arms above my head. I tried to pull myself free but it only made the cuffs dig against my wrists.

Jason pulled me closer toward him. He had pulled his jeans and boxers down and before I could say anything else he was inside me again. Lording over me, he gripped my shoulders as he began to move over me. He gave me a deep, lingering kiss that I couldn't help but return. Every time he thrusted I felt the van shake under us, and I prayed that no one would look into the window and see.

Almost as if he could hear my thoughts, Jason whispered, "I hope someone sees us, I hope someone sees me thrusting into you while you can't do anything, all you can do is receive pleasure from me, you can barely even squirm."

All I could do for a reply was moan as he went deeper into me, as deep as he probably could. My nerves felt like they were on fire, a sexual fire that only Jason could quench. His hands were up my shirt, he unhooked my bra and massaged my breasts, until his mouth reached one of my nipples. He sucked on it through the t-shirt and then bit it lightly, then harder.

"Scream for me, baby," he demanded romantically, in between biting and sucking. "Yeah, you like that don't you? Say my name."

"Ohhh, Jason," I managed to get out.

"Good girl," Jason said, relishing the power he had over me. "Not so mighty now, are we?"

With a few final thrusts, Jason came, took off the condom I didn't even realize he had on, and pulled his boxers and shorts back on, leaving me with my underwear and jeans all across the van. "Put my clothes back on," I told him.

"Whatever you say," Jason said, looking smug and satisfied. He slid my panties back on and rebuttoned my jeans. It was a weird feeling, having him put my clothes on instead of taking them off as I have sort of become used to him doing. After he was done he got out of the van, I assume to make the phone call.

"How did you know they were done?" I had to ask when he got back in the van.

He shrugged. "I last a pretty long time," he said not very modestly as he began to drive, I assumed in the direction of the library they were to meet. "I figured they must be done by now."

Jason stopped the van and Sanders and Johnson climbed in. "We successfully planted the bomb, now let's get out of here."

Johnson playfully pushed Jason out of the driver's seat. Jason didn't object, he just crawled over to me. Unclicking and then clicking me back in, he freed my arms from being wrapped around the bar. He held me on his lap. "We're going to get them, Leah."

They drove for probably fifteen minutes, getting out of the town and parking in the corner of a McDonald's parking lot. Jason took out his computer and took me with him when the guys moved to the backseat. A feeling of dread began to grow in the pit of my stomach. We all sat around the computer as the picture began to come into a rather blurry focus.

"There's the cop!" Sanders exclaimed, pointing to a concerned-looking man in his police uniform. He was looking around each aisle, most likely looking for Jason, whose eyes were fixed on the screen, probably unaware that I was even here anymore.

"How long until the bomb goes off?" Jason asked.

"About five minutes," Johnson replied.

"And where is it?"

"In the corner of the room, near the checkout."

I couldn't stand this anymore. "Stop the bomb." It flew out of my mouth before I even realized I was saying it.

"We can't do that now," Jason said. "It's done."

I felt myself starting to panic. The sense of death loomed around me. "Please stop. Please make it stop."

"Don't listen to this chick, Jason. She's just trying to distract you. This guy killed Alex, remember that," Sanders said. Johnson was silent.

"I'm not some chick, Sanders. I'm trying to tell you that what you're doing is wrong. I've been trying to say that all along, but nobody will listen to me! Innocent people are in that store! Don't kill them, please!" I felt my time slipping away, the cop's time, the other people.

"Shut the fuck up, Leah!" Sanders said, clenching his fists. "I'll shut you up for good, I swear to God."

"God doesn't listen to you, Sanders. You're a godless asshole," I informed him.

The time was ticking down. "One minute to go," Johnson said.

"Thirty seconds," he said, what felt like only five seconds later.

My voice had caught in my throat, I felt broken and ruined.

"Five. Four..." Johnson said, probably just to torture me. I closed my eyes. "Three. Two. One."

Then nothing.


	8. Chapter 8

I opened my eyes. The store looked the same. "Fuck," Sanders muttered.

Jason studied the screen. It wasn't frozen, there were clearly people ambling around it, looking at and picking out items, a completely normal day. The cop was still there as well, looking as confused as ever.

"Don't tell me," Jason started to say. I couldn't tell if he was mad or depressed. "You uneducated fuckers didn't wire the bomb correctly."

"Fuck," Sanders repeated.

"What did you do, Sanders? Jason, I didn't do anything wrong, I triple-checked those wires," Johnson promised, sounding sincere.

"I was checking the wires right before we left, making SURE that Johnson didn't do anything wrong," Sanders began. "Then my hand slipped and a wire came unplugged. There were two places it could've gone. I guess I put it in the wrong one."

"You GUESS?" Jason's said with a raised voice. "You fucking idiot! You fucked up our entire plan! We just lost like two hundred fucking dollars making that fucking useless bomb and it's not like we can fucking go back and get it because that fucking cop knows we were there! Fuck you, Sanders! You act like you're better than me and all you are is a fucking...I don't even know! I'm out of words to describe how purely STUPID you are!" Jason slammed his laptop shut and then locked eyes with me. For a second I thought he would yell at me too, tell me that I probably made this happen, but his eyes softened slightly and he turned away.

"Let's just go home," Johnson said, leaving the way back of the van and going to go start it up.

Jason put his face in his hands. Sanders looked at me without a look of complete hatred for the first time, shrugged, and followed Johnson, leaving Jason and I alone.

I laid my head on Jason's shoulder and put my handcuffed hands on his knees, which were folded up against his chest. He didn't say anything for a long time, and I didn't try to make him talk about it.

"I messed up a job once," Jason said. I didn't reply, but I lifted my head off of his shoulder with interest, so he kept going. "It was one of the first few. I was with Alex. I misread his signal and set the bomb off before the cops got there. No one died, and I'd just wasted a bomb. But there was proof that we had been there, because of the bomb and everything. I'd never seen Alex so pissed at me. We were always in it together, you know?" I nodded, even though I didn't, not really. "He didn't talk to me for days, and even when a bully was giving me shit at school right in front of him he didn't step in, that's how mad he was. I don't know how he let me go on another job again, but he did."

"So what are you going to do about Sanders?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know," Jason told me. "We almost had him, the cop. I almost avenged Alex. Us, this group, we've never messed up on a bombing before. The one time where it counted the most. Alex, he was everything when I had nothing. I know that sounds kind of gross and incest-y but it's the truth. When we bounced between foster homes he always made sure I ate enough, that I slept in a bed even if he had to sleep on the floor, that I didn't let the other kids hurt me. He taught me everything I know about bombs. It was the common bond between us, no matter what else was going on we had that. We'd split up the ingredients and go to stores all around town so they wouldn't get suspicious or put us on those lists, the bomb threat list or some fucked up shit like that. He was a criminal, I'll give you that, but he was the best kind of criminal. Cunning, attractive, he had girls over every night, different ones. I stopped trying to learn all their names a long time ago. He got me a few too, sorry to say. But being honest I never really felt anything with any of them, they were just there to pass the time."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Jason went silent again, thinking. "When he died, when he got killed, it didn't feel real. For months I kept expecting him to show up while I was making a bomb and tell me that I was wiring it wrong or something, that it would get a better range if I did such and such, I won't bore you with those details."

"Thanks."

"No problem. I miss him a lot though, some days more than others. He was the first person to really believe I could be somebody. All my teachers, all my foster parents, everyone looked at me like I was dirt. Sometimes that's the way I felt. I felt like God or whoever put me on the Earth fifty meters behind everyone else at the hundred meter sprint, and just expected me to make up that time when I knew in every part of my brain that I couldn't, so I stopped trying. Alex made me try. Sorry if that sounds kind of gay."

"Not at all," I said, meaning it. "It just sounds like you loved your brother."

"I love my brother," Jason corrected me. "It'll be present as long as I'm here because I continue to do so even though he's gone."

"Okay," I said.

Jason put his hand lightly on my neck and coaxed me in for a long, slow kiss. Then another. Then another.

"Leah," he said in between kisses that were gradually growing deeper.

"Mmm?" I said, half-dazed.

"You don't know how much I would give," Jason said, looking me in the eyes with his huge brown ones, his pupils wide with sexual arousal. "To be able to be a part of the normal world, the world that you live in, so we could be together all the time."

I looked down at the floor, biting my lip. He tilted my head back up to meet his gaze. I took a deep breath. "Cool," I said.

"Cool? That's all you have to say?"

"Were you expecting something else?" I teased.

"Possibly, but the moment has passed. You ruined it, you moment ruiner."

"Moment murderer."

"That's more appropriate for the situation. I gave you a romantic moment and you stabbed it in the heart."

"Where is the heart of a moment?"

"I don't know but that's where you stabbed it, because there it was, it just died instantly," Jason faked a look of complete despair.

I climbed on his lap and straddled him, running my hands through his hair. I don't know how he keeps it so perfectly placed and healthy. And smooth.

"Jealous?" he asked.

"Maybe a little," I admitted.

Jason moved his head toward me to try and kiss me but I pushed his head back. "Not so much fun when you're the one being controlled, eh McCann?"

In one second, Justin grabbed my wrists and pinned me down to the floor. "You tell me."

"Bitch."

"Be careful with your dirty words, Leah. I have the power here," he leaned down closer to me. "I can do whatever I want," he whispered.

"Please don't," I said bluntly.

I knew Jason was going to try something, but soon enough the van came to a stop and we were back to where ever we were. Jason got up off me and helped me up. "I guess I have to go murder Sanders."

"Maybe so."

Jason looked deep in thought for a moment. "I don't know, I'm pretty sure that someone else will soon enough, if he keeps up his douchebaggery."

"Most likely," I said.


	9. Chapter 9

Jason had calmed down considerably after his original angry outburst at Sanders. Instead of chewing him out like I suspected he would, he gave him a slap on the back as is typical of males, collapsed onto the couch, and asked me what was for dinner.

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want?"

"Whatever you make! Just get in the kitchen where you belong, woman!" Jason said. He was in a joking mood. Everyone in the house felt happier.

I fixed them all bowls of Frosted Flakes, including myself. Don't get me wrong, I can cook competently, but I didn't feel like making anything that night.

"You're a fucking gourmet chef, Leah," Jason told me, digging into his bowl. Sanders turned on the TV and we all sat around watching _Community _and chewing. There was a moment of peace, a moment where this screwed up family of sorts didn't seem so screwed up after all, like they was some sort of sense of order to everything that they did, dysfunctional or no.

"So Leah, how was losing your virginity to Jason?" Sanders said during a commercial.

"It was wonderfully none of your business," I informed him.

Then, somehow, that made Sanders shut up. Either that or the fact that the show had come back on. I finished my cereal and brought it to the sink. Jason followed me.

"Do I have to keep apologizing for him?"

"No, of course not," I said, putting my bowl in the sink and turning to face him, leaning against the counter.

Jason held my chin between his thumb and index finger, giving me an intense stare. He looked like he was about to say something important. My insides flipped over, what was this? Instead he said, "You're hot."

"Really cool Jason," I said, rolling my eyes as we headed back into the living room, Jason laughing behind me.

After a few more Thursday night shows I went upstairs to bed and crawled under the covers. I missed my old bed, which was contorted perfectly to my various sleeping positions. This bed felt stiffer and colder. Still though, I was drowsy enough to begin to nod off, and that's when Jason came into the room and slipped under the covers with me. He was silent as he moved towards me, beginning to gently spoon me and holding me against his chest protectively. I thought about how I'd never been this close with a boy before. Sure, I'd made out with guys in my bed before when my parents weren't home, even gone a little farther than that. But what Jason and I were doing felt so much more intimate, so much more meaningful.

I kept my eyes closed so he'd think I was asleep, but still he began to suck on my earlobe. I shuddered involuntarily when he blew on the saliva he'd left behind.

"I knew you were still awake," he whispered, his hands traveling up my shirt to squeeze my breasts. "You stayed up just so I would give it to you, just like you like it."

"I'm barely awake," I whispered back as he began to kiss my neck.

"Let me wake you up then," Jason offered, climbing on top of me and covering me with deep, meaningful kisses. I began to succumb to his silent, bodily commands, sinking into the mattress and wrapping my arms and legs around him, caging him to me. Luckily he enjoyed this sort of imprisonment and breathed deeply into me, giving me life, but a different life from the one that I had known. "Into your heart I'll beat again," he said in a breath tinted with lust. In my clouded mind I realized that those were song lyrics but I couldn't place the particular song. Mentally I etched a note to figure out what one it was.

Jason deepened our kiss, running his tongue along the inside of my mouth. He pushed me into the mattress so I couldn't squirm away, one hand tracing the outline of my ear, the other adeptly pulling my panties down. Once he'd dramatically thrown them across the room, he took off my shirt and I his. We looked at each other for a long moment. I wanted to live in his deep, brown eyes, which had never looked clearer before tonight. The moonlight cast a gentle shadow of him and he looked almost like an unearthly being, above and beyond all that inhabited this planet.

He found his way inside me, gently grinding his hips into mine, our heartbeats synced, making me think that he actually had given my heart his rhythm. I could feel something growing between the tiny space between us, a passion, a tension. The heat was scalding and yet perfect. He moved in faster and faster increments, the bed shaking beneath us. I moaned with each harder thrust, knowing that everyone else in the house could hear it, but I didn't care. I dug my nails into his back, marking him as my own. In reaction he gritted his teeth a little but kept thrusting into me, strong as ever.

Just before he climaxed, he shoved me down into the bed by my shoulders, getting in a few more desperate thrusts until he came inside me, his face to the ceiling. I wouldn't like it normally, I think, but I loved when he exerted all his control over me, taking over completely, his responsibility for our erotic pleasure.

He touched his forehead to mine in his ecstasy before rolling off me and holding me close to him. Gently running his hands over me, the wave of tired that had only temporarily subsided earlier hit me with full force.

"You exhaust me in every way possible," Jason whispered directly into my ear, nuzzling into my neck.

"Good, maybe it'll keep you off me for five seconds," I said, reaching back to tangle my hands in his hair. God, his hair. I couldn't get enough of that.

"How can I help it?" Jason asked innocently. "All I want to do is rip your clothes off. Is that such a bad thing?"

"Maybe not," I said, turning around and kissing him again. This time they were much slower, as if he was slowly easing me into my dream world.

He pulled me closer to him, my blue eyes separated from his brown ones by mere inches. All I could see were his eyes, alive and moving, his pupils growing larger to take me in. I wanted to stay like this forever, but I could feel that every time I blinked it was for longer and longer, slower and slower.

"Fall asleep babe, I'll be here when you wake up, I'll hold you all night if you want me to," Jason said.

"Do that," I said. Jason folded his arms around me and we laid there facing, sharing our warmth and our hearts.

And as I fell into unconsciousness I thought I heard him murmur something, ever so faintly.

"I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in awhile. With school winding down (somewhat) it will be a lot easier for me to write and update so hopefully I will be able to do so more. Thanks for your support. :)**

Two days later, days that passed quickly, days that somehow passed without Jason and I arguing about our feelings or our situation, it was The Day. The Day that I was to go back home. Jason's mood was unreadable as we all loaded into the van, Jason and I sitting in our usual spot, this time sans handcuffs.

"So what's going to happen when we get there?" I asked.

"We trade you off I guess. Hopefully they didn't bring the cops into this. I really don't like the cops," Jason said.

"Yes, that's been established."

Jason rolled his eyes. "I still can't believe Sanders messed up our job."

"Let it go, dude," Sanders complained.

"Oh just like you let go of your hatred of Leah? I'll be sure to do that," Jason replied.

Johnson looked frustrated. "Guys, can we not fight today? We're always at each other's throats and we can't do that today. We just have to do this, and then after that you can kill each other."

"Gladly," Sanders said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fine," Jason said, running a hand through his hair.

The tension in the van grew a little. I thought of who would win in a fight, to distract me from thoughts of leaving Jason and going home. Sanders was more muscular and taller but Jason was deceptively strong, at least compared to me. I can barely do a pull-up. I can run decently but my arm strength is very close to zero. But still. Going home. People were inevitably going to treat me differently, my parents, my friends. Maybe I'd even have to go to therapy. My mom was very big into therapy, having dedicated several chapters of her best-selling book _A Helping Hand_ to the merit of it. I should know. I've had to read her book several times, being a good daughter and all. I miss her.

"Shit," Johnson said suddenly, stopping the van.

"What?" Jason said, pushing me off of him to look out the windshield. "Shit," he concluded.

"Fucking shit," Sanders added helpfully.

"What is it?" I got up to look but Jason pushed me back down. "Hey!"

"It's the cops, man. Fucking four cop cars. Your parents..." Jason trailed off and swallowed.

"Yikes," was all I could think to say.

"Yeah, yikes!" Sanders said.

"Okay so what's the plan?" Johnson asked Jason.

"I guess, hold Leah in front of me. Should I take the gun?"

"It can't hurt."

"Uh, yes it can!" I protested. "Just take me out there, it's fine, I'm sure they'll be reasonable."

"You are the most naive girl I've ever met," Sanders said. "We don't have good run-ins with the cops, and I'm pretty sure they won't be reasonable with kidnappers."

Jason hugged me against him and kissed me. I focused as much of my energy as I could on the kiss, because I knew it would be the last one. I grabbed his phone from his pocket and added my number. "Don't forget about me?" I asked him.

"Not a chance," he said. Then he helped me up and looked out the windshield one more time. "Let's go," he said, his face resigned. He opened the door to the van and stepped out, me grasped in front of him.

"PUT YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!" a cop was shouting out of a megaphone.

"GIVE ME THE MONEY AND YOU GET THE GIRL!" Jason shouted back, grasping me tighter to him. I tried to look panicked rather than turned on.

I examined the scene. My parents were standing there between a bunch of cops, around eight. Oh, they carpooled. How nice. And of course there would be so many cops. Of course.

Jason hesitantly took a few steps forward. A suitcase in my dad's hand caught my eye. The money. I wondered how much Jason thought this whole experience was worth.

"Fifty thousand," he whispered in my ear, seemingly reading my thoughts again. "Just remain calm, okay Leah? I didn't do anything to you. Anything you didn't like, anyway." I nodded slightly, still trying to keep up my frightened demeanor.

"THROW THE SUITCASE TO ME!" Jason shouted at my parents.

"GIVE US LEAH FIRST," the megaphoned policeman boomed.

"NO!" Jason shot back. He nudged us a few more steps. He looked at the crowd in front of him expectantly. I saw one of the cops speak to another. I'm no good at reading lips but I know what two of those words were.

_Jason McCann._

They recognized him. Fear glazed over me. As soon as I was safely to them they were going to shoot him. He's committed murder, after all, him and his brother. They were going to kill him.

"They know who you are," I said through my teeth.

"What? Shit," Jason said quietly. He took one of his arms off of me and put it behind his back.

"KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM," the cop demanded.

"JUST A SECOND." Jason returned his arm around me and I heard the van door slam shut.

I looked behind me to see who it was. Sanders. His hands were above his head and he looked determined. But he was also wearing a big jacket that he wasn't wearing before. I could only guess what was hidden inside it.

I didn't think it was possible but Jason tightened his grip around me. I felt his entire body against mine, warm and steady. His heartbeat was quick but still deep. _Into your heart I'll beat again._ Dave Matthews Band, I realized. Somehow it clicked now. I tried to keep my face frightened still, but I didn't feel scared. I felt a sort of numbness, an ambiguousness. Everything around me was super clear, time was a little slower.

"I'll miss you babe," Jason whispered in his hot breath.

"Mmm," was all I could say back without it looking like I was talking to him.

With that, Jason began to walk towards the cops, Sanders as well, though several feet behind. That was when I started to feel uneasy. We were fifteen feet away. Ten. Five. Then Jason loosened his grip and the suitcase was handed over to him. I was passed over to the arms of my parents, hugging my dad and then my mom, who were crying with relief. In the corner of my eye I saw the policeman to the left of me release the safety on his gun.

"No," I whispered.

"What was that sweetie?" my mother asked as Jason turned to leave.

"DON'T SHOOT HIM!" I screamed as he lifted his gun, aiming directly at Jason.

"FUCK NO!" I heard Sanders yell. I turned around to see Sanders take the gun out of his jacket. He fired a shot and the policemen ducked and covered, leaving Jason enough time to sprint to the van. Sanders and Jason both jumped in, and I knew that Johnson was turning the steering wheel furiously as they U-turned, leaving a cloud of exhaust behind them as they disappeared down the road and around a corner.


	11. Chapter 11

"Jesus Christ, you were held captive by Jason McCann?" one of the policemen asked me.

"Yes," I said with a faraway voice. At the moment I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Pull my hair out, cry, curl up on the ground and make myself as small as possible.

One of the policeman radioed in that Jason McCann was in the area and approaching their town. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and wished that he would make it back home safely, where ever he was.

"Are you okay, miss?" Another policeman asked me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, though my voice sounded shaky. "At this point I just want to go home."

"We still need to ask you a few questions regarding what happened to you."

"You heard Leah," my mother said, coming to my rescue. "She can answer your questions tomorrow, right now I'm sure she just wants to rest and recover and see her friends."

My mother being a Ph.D, the policeman must've been convinced that she knew what she was talking about. She seemed pretty scrambled right now though, like she hadn't slept in days and she probably hadn't. I felt guilty for sleeping comfortably in the arms of a boy while she most likely paced around the house waiting for a call, something to tell her that her daughter was okay.

I got in the car. My parents were talking to the police, thanking them most likely. I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. I could still smell Jason on me, a strange tangy smell that was most likely his cologne or deodorant. I missed him already, which contrasted with my happy feeling of being back in my parents' car. I wished that I could have both, but life doesn't tend to work out that way. I tried to put Jason in the back of my mind and focused on the good things of going back home: my friends, school (kinda), my parents, my house, the overall sense of normalcy.

If things would ever be normal again.

My parents didn't really speak to me on the car ride, mostly because I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep while they listened to NPR. It was easy enough, most of the announcers' voices were slow and lulling anyway. I opened my eyes when the car came to rest at our house, big, made bigger with the solar panels I'd forced them to get during my period of Extreme Environmental Activism. And I mean, I still do care about the environment and everything, but during that time in my life I went way overboard.

The house looked the same as always when we arrived, the sun was setting and gave it a sort of romantic hue around the surburban area. Waiting outside my house with outstretched arms was Julia, along with a few of my other friends. They were holding a banner "WELCOME HOME LEAH!", all of them holding a piece of it. I jumped out of the car and sprinted toward them. We all joined in a group hug, the banner abandoned.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Leah," Julia said. My friends all murmured in agreement.

My parents let me have a sleepover with them, to restore Normal I suspected. It certainly felt normal to me, we were laughing and joking and they were telling me everything that happened while I was gone, like I'd been on a vacation instead of being held captive.

Ellie, a lanky aspiring model with endless golden brown hair and pale green eyes, was telling me about Daisy and Steven breaking up, and Steven's subsequent partnership with Samantha to become Haverford School's new It couple, leaving Daisy to pursue the practical path of revenge when my phone vibrated and my heart skipped a beat in my chest.

Naturally my phone didn't have the number but I knew who it was.

_"Right number, babe?"_

Beth whipped her curly mass of blonde hair around as I read the text. "Who is it?" she said, trying to grab the phone from me. Fortunately Beth was little, barely over five feet tall with the bones of a bird. She wasn't able to grab it from me, so she crossed her arms and pouted her typical Beth pout, the one that got her the diamond earrings from her boyfriend Drew, or the pink VW Beetle she drives.

"Yeah do tell Leah, was he missing you when you were gone away?" Julia asked me, cocking her head to the side.

I blushed and quickly typed back a message, keeping my head down. _"Yep. I take it you're alright?"_

"What are you saying?" Caroline demanded. She was half-Indian, half-white, and I'd always envied her flawless light brown skin, whereas mine was just a pale bluish-white color. Gross, I know.

"I can't believe you won't tell us about him!" Beth said, still pouting.

I shut my phone. "Guys, I don't know if it's going anywhere yet," I said. Which was basically half-true. I mean, it had gone somewhere that was for sure, but now? I had no idea.

"Well now you're all mysterious, what with your experience. What happened then, anyway?" Ellie asked me. All four of them gathered around me expectantly.

"I don't want to talk about it guys," I said, putting my phone in my hoodie pocket.

"Was it really bad, Leah?" Julia asked.

"No, they weren't mean to me. Jason kept everyone in line."

"JASON?" they all exclaimed. Fuck.

"Jason MCCANN?" Beth tried to confirm.

I tried feebly to deny it but the deeper red of my face gave it away.

"Holy eff!" Ellie said.

"He's kind of hot," Beth said dreamily. "I mean, from what I've seen. He looks like he could be a famous actor or something instead of a criminal. Damn. Is he hot up close?"

I tried to lie by omission. "He was my captor, Beth."

"Yeah Beth way to be insensitive," Julia scolded.

Beth pretended to be super interested in a _Seventeen_ article. I grabbed a bottle of pink nail polish and started to do my nails. The room was silent for a moment.

"What's he like?" Caroline asked finally.

I decided to answer honestly, they deserved it after all. "He's not evil like everyone thinks. He's just had a bad life. And I mean, the police _did_ kill his brother."

"Are you standing up for him?" Caroline gave me a confused look.

"No," I said, returning back to my lying. "I'm just presenting another side of the story. It wasn't horrible, guys. I'm not traumatized or anything. They just kept me there and that's it. I'm even going back to school on Monday."

"Is your mom going to make you do therapy or something?" Julia asked.

"No idea, but I have to go in and answer questions tomorrow." Oh God, was I dreading it. My phone vibrated again. _"Why wouldn't I have?"_

_"Did you get chased?"_

_"Oh. That. They didn't stand a chance."_

"Okay, now you have to tell us who the guy is," Ellie demanded. I wondered how they hadn't connected the dots yet. I supposed it was better that way.

"Just a guy," I said casually, capping the bottle of nail polish and putting it on my nightstand. I examined my work in order to avoid their collective eye contact.

"Mhmm," I saw Julia exchange glances with everyone else.

"What?" I asked.

"Leah," Julia began. "Are you trying to get back together with Russell?"

Russell, as in my ex. Before departing on my little kidnapped trip Russell and I had started talking again, much to my friends' chagrin since we'd had a rather messy breakup in the fall. It had gotten flirty sort of and it might have been about to go somewhere had Jason not crashed into my life. I didn't like Russell anymore, I knew that now. But besides weeks of fight-then-cry combos, he had also given me a chance to cover up for Jason.

"Kind of?" I said, making it sound more like a question.

All of them rolled their eyes, nearly in sync. Caroline actually groaned aloud. Good friends, one and all.


	12. Chapter 12

After a lecture about letting things be my friends allowed me as well as themselves to roll out the sleeping bags and go to bed. I texted Jason before I fell asleep.

_"Have friends over. Gonna get some sleep."_

_"Wish I was there with you. ;)"_

_"So you could get with all my friends? Gross."_

_"Depends. Are they hot?"_

_"Go away."_

_"Will do."_

_"Goodnight!"_

_"Sorry, I'm going away."_

_"Just say goodnight you asshole."_

_"Fine, goodnight. Love."_

Now what the fuck does that mean.

After breakfast my friends all shuffled out so I could get ready to go to the police station. I was still confused about Jason's text message. He didn't exactly say "I love you." Or did he? I thought back to a few nights ago when I could've sworn I'd heard him murmur it, but I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. Did I love Jason?

Yes.

The answer popped up quickly in my head. I'd never told a guy that I loved him before. My friends used to toss it around like it was nothing, the phrase that begins a relationship. They don't really now, but when they did I still didn't. I always thought of it as something that was important. But I did, truly. I truly loved Jason.

I was still awed by this revelation when I drove to the police station and sat down in front of Officer Keeler's desk. He was sitting there with a notepad and looked at me expectantly. Suddenly I got very nervous. I don't like to lie, but I was going to have to lie. I'm a bad liar. Bad bad bad.

"Alright Ms. Collins, I'm just going to ask you a few questions regarding your experience with McCann and his associates." It was like I'd stayed at McCann Suites and this was some sort of survey. "Did Mr. McCann or his associates ever force themselves on you, or did they try to make you perform illegal activities?"

I shook my head.

"Ms. Collins, this is a safe space. I know you may be ashamed of the events that took place, but I'd like to let you know that being assaulted is never your fault."

"I know." I'd heard it all in Health class.

"How did Mr. McCann treat you while you were there?"

"Fine," I answered. "One of the guys there was kind of sketchy but he made sure that he stayed away from me. There weren't any problems."

Officer Keeler looked kind of frustrated. "Did Mr. McCann show any psychopathic tendencies?"

"He seemed pretty normal to me."

"Look, we've already had several behavioral therapists examine his crimes and patterns, they've determined he is a psychopath. Are you lying to me, Ms. Collins?"

"No. He's not a psychopath, your therapists are wrong." I tried to keep my voice steady and for the most part it was working.

Officer Keeler closed his eyes for a minute, then scribbled a few things down on his notepad. "That will be all, Ms. Collins. Thank you for coming in."

"You're welcome," I replied, not really sure what to say. I left with a clouded head. A psychopath? I texted Jason.

_"Are you a psychopath?"_

_"Hahahahahahahaha...probably."_

_"Seriously!"_

_"No. Did the police tell you that? They're funny, those guys."_

_"Where are you?"_

_"I'm back at the base. What, you miss me already?"_

_"Slightly." _

_"I'll see if I can arrange something."_

The next day was Monday, and I returned to school. There were two groups of kids that day. One group were kids that tried to act like everything was so normal it seemed like the world was going to end. And another, mostly consisting of underclassmen, were flocking around me asking what it was like. My teachers actually fit into those groups pretty well, most of them the former, smiling too much and giving me my makeup work but insisting that I could take however much time I needed, no rush, none at all.

During lunch was the worst. My normal table of aforementioned girls plus a few other casual friends was invaded by well-wishers and question-askers alike. Luckily Julia, Caroline, Ellie, and Beth kept it quiet that it had anything to do with Jason McCann. I tried to eat my lunch but it was never ending, to the point that one of the teachers who monitors lunch had to shoo them away so I could finally stuff myself in relative peace.

"How was the police station?" Julia asked in a quieted voice so as not to attract attention.

"It was okay, they kept asking if Jason raped me," I said.

"Did he?" Julia's eyes went wide.

"No!" It's not rape if you like it.

"Okay, good." Julia relaxed and exhaled a deep breath, then we both contributed to a conversation about Ellie wanting to dye her hair black.

"I've decided," Julia said a day later, during Trig, "That I am going to stay over your house Friday."

"Why?" I asked, punching numbers into my calculator. Our teacher had already given me pages and pages of make-up work. Apparently she'd seen me being gone as the perfect chance to go deeply into entirely new material.

"Can't I stay over my best friend's house without it being subject to the third degree?" Julia said with a mock-hurt voice.

"Sure," I said.

"Okay then. See you at six on Friday, oh friend of mine."

The sleepover approached Normal. After a gross amount of nail-painting, talking, and Seventeen magazine (and Cosmopolitan), Julia and I fell asleep in my bed. At least, until my phone vibrated and I heard the faint sound of a car coming down my road.

The whole point of my suburb, I've realized from my years of living in it, is to retain the image of Ideal Family, by whatever means necessary. This typically means that lights are out by 11 and no one drives out past 12. I looked at my clock, and it told me 1:14am, which could only mean one thing.

Sure enough, the text confirmed it. _Hello._


	13. Chapter 13

I crawled out of the covers, careful not to wake Julia, who sleeps pretty rock-like anyway. Out my window was a nondescript navy blue compact car. I wonder where he'd gotten it. Stolen, most likely, but I tend to think the best of him.

Before he got out of the car he flipped up his dark green hoodie and crossed the street. My heart was soaring. He looked up and our eyes connected. I felt my breath leave me. He half-smiled ever so slightly.

Three weeks ago you could've told me that Jason McCann would be standing in my front lawn and I would've been happy about it, but I'd probably already be on hold with the insane asylum when you were done speaking. I opened my window and without so much as a word exchanged he began to climb up the gutter and onto the roof. He gingerly walked across the shingles and stepped right in. His next act was to grab me toward him and kiss me. We were quiet, besides the rustle of fabric as our clothes made contact.

"Leah," was the first thing he said to me, a breath. My name had never sounded so beautiful to me. Some people chew on the "ee", or put too much emphasis on the last syllable. I've heard my name butchered, practically beyond recognition. But the way Jason said it just sounded, I don't know, right.

"Hey," I whispered back. But we didn't have time for small talk. He pushed me against the wall, his thumb tracing the outline of my ear. I wanted him to rip my clothes off. We couldn't, considering Julia was right there.

"Baby," he said softly. "Come away with me." We pulled away for a second and he looked at me through half-lidded eyes, looking genuine and trusting. Also very aroused.

Sweeter words had never been spoken. Could I leave? My mind high on Jason, anything seemed possible. I grabbed the collar of his shirt, moaning into his mouth. We started sliding down the wall until we were sinking into my carpet. I wanted to jump inside him and live there forever. I showed him this by pushing myself against him, grabbing at his clothes, shoving my hand up his shirt and resting the back of it against his warm skin. It was so smooth. I could sleep on his stomach, being gently lulled by the beating of his heart in my ear.

"Leah?" I heard a voice from my bed. A tired voice. A slightly confused voice.

Fuck.

"Hey Julia."

"Is that Russ?" Julia asked, squinting in the dark.

"Who's Russ?" Jason asked me.

"You're Russ, aren't you? Leah said she was texting you the other day, when she got back."

Jason, the master of deception, caught on quickly. "Russ, yes. That's me."

Julia laid back down on the bed, no longer looking at us. "You don't sound like Russ." Her voice sounded far away, like she was descending quickly back into the world of sleep.

"I had radical plastic surgery which inadvertently changed my voice," Jason told her. I elbowed him.

"Oh, okay," Julia said. "Leah, you shouldn't have guys over late at night." She looked at us again. Only this time, instead of confusion, her eyes had obviously adjusted to the dark. "Hold on a fucking minute," her voice was rising so I quickly shushed her.

"What?" I asked.

Julia was much more awake now, though she spoke with a more subdued voice. "Jason McCann?"

"The one and only," Jason said proudly.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Julia asked. Jason and I separated, Jason sitting against the wall, me sitting Indian style facing the bed. Julia slid off the bed and sat against the end of it. I was surprised by how calm she seemed only a few feet away from a wanted murderer/bomber.

"I came to visit Leah," Jason explained.

"And why would you do that? You kidnapped her." I started to say it, the truth, but Julia interrupted me. "Hold on. My muddled brain is beginning to figure this out. You love her. And you," she said, looking at me, "love him."

I glanced at Jason to see what he would say, and maybe solve the whole "does he love me?" debacle I'd been facing for a few days.

"We're dating, I guess," Jason said, running a hand through his hair. A beam of moonlight was shining across it, making it look even more perfect than usual.

Julia raised an eyebrow, which is something I'd always wished I could do as well as her. "So when Leah was being held hostage...?"

"Essentially," I said, avoiding her eyes and choosing instead to look at Jason's.

"And oh my god," Julia said, putting her long brown hair up in a quick ponytail. "He totally swiped your v-card." I had hoped that the night would hide my blush but obviously it didn't. "You slut!"

Jason laughed. I glared at him. "What? She has a point," Jason said.

"Says the guy who is never getting any ever again," I murmured. Jason reached out a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear but I swatted him away. He made a face.

"What revelations. Okay, so you're not a psychopath," Julia said.

"Why does everyone keep thinking that? I'm starting to get offended." Jason crossed his arms over his chest and blew a piece of hair out of his eyes.

"Maybe it's the whole bombing thing," Julia suggested.

"Probably. I like this girl, Leah. Your name's Julia, right? Leah and Julia. Ju-Leah," Jason sounded out.

"Wow, you're totally the first person to point that out," I said, rolling my eyes. Julia giggled. Suddenly this whole thing struck me as very weird. My boyfriend-ish-thing and my best friend meeting for the first time and yet getting along in their way.

"Whatever," Jason said.

"So Jason, what's it like building bombs?" Julia wanted to know.

"It's like building bombs. I don't know. What do you want me to compare it to?" Jason asked.

Julia shrugged. "You're kind of a frustrating person," she observed.

"Get in line," Jason told her.

"So what's the big plan here? Why did you come to see Leah? Obviously not just for a couple minutes of intense making out."

"I want her to leave here," Jason said. I looked at him in surprise.

"And you were totally thinking of consulting me also, right?" Julia demanded.

"Sure..." Jason said. "Do you want to come with us?"

"What?" I exclaimed. I realized then that I had been too loud and quickly covered my mouth, which really wouldn't do anything since I already said those words but whatever.

"Absolutely!" Julia replied. "Let's go, I'm up for an adventure. Do you have any hot friends?"

"Only Sanders, and I question his attractiveness," Jason said. He probably should've added that Sanders has a history of assaulting me, both verbally and physically, but he conveniently left that part out.

Julia was possessed by a sudden midnight vigor. She hopped up and grabbed her coat from my bed. It had been getting warmer but the nights were still chilly. I grabbed my coat as well, and threw some jeans and shirts and such into an old Charlotte Russe bag. "Getting serious, are we?" Jason asked, kissing my neck as I added a few elastics to the bag.

"You never know when I could use some clothes," I said practically.

"Or when you don't need them at all."

"Okay, gross," Julia interjected. "Let's get out of here."


	14. Chapter 14

Escaping my house from the second story turned out to be remarkably easy, so easy I was surprised I'd never done it before. Then again, I was a total straight edge before meeting Jason. We scampered across the lawn and into "Jason's" car. I grabbed shotgun and Julia made herself comfortable in the back. Jason started up the car. Unlike the first time when Jason took me away from my home, I actually felt at some sort of ease.

We drove for a considerable amount of time before arriving at a nondescript motel. We hopped out and upon entering the motel we discovered Sanders and Johnson surfing the channels on the reasonably-sized television. Sanders gave Julia a once-over, which Julia seemed to welcome. He gave her an approving glance. "I like this one better, Jason."

"Gee thanks," I said, sitting on the bed. Jason joined me, and Julia sat down next to Sanders. I eyed this pairing warily. Jason gave me a look like _Should we let this happen?_ I made a face like I wasn't sure.

"So Leah, are you and your hot friend going to be staying permanently with us?" Sanders asked. In the glow of the television screen I saw Julia blush.

"I don't know," I said. I wondered what it would be like living with Jason and Sanders and Johnson and Julia. A family? I puzzled with the thought. Jason was fifty thousand richer, and they robbed places all the time. We could travel all around the United States, maybe the world. We'd never put down roots, we'd be traveling like hippies. Hippies who planted bombs, granted. I could throw everything to the wind.

One thing I knew for certain, I had to choose between Jason and a regular life. He was a criminal, I couldn't exactly live out a perfect life with him in surburbia.

Jason put his arm around my shoulders and whispered in my ear, "Let's get out of here." I nodded subtly. The others may have seen us walk out, or they may have chosen to ignore it. Either way, Jason took me by the hand down a few doors to another motel room. "Come on baby," he said. "We're finally alone."

We barely made it to the bed. As soon as he had closed the door behind us he'd grabbed me and started kissing me fiercely. I matched his ferocity, wanting to be connected to him forever. I was already buzzing from our make out session before in my room. I wanted all of him. Now.

Days of separation made us even more intense. He grabbed fistfuls of my hair and fell on top of me on the bed, pushing me up towards the pillows, all while unbuttoning my jeans. He practically ripped them off, overtaken by his powerful emotions, his need. But even in his eyes I could see that the very last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. My eyes wide, I unbuttoned his jeans as well. He didn't need any incentive to take off his t-shirt, he tore it off and then mine too. We tried to speed up the process, he unhooked my bra and I slid his boxers off.

When we were all undressed and ready, he said it. "I love you, Leah."

There was no mistaking it this time. No weird text messages and no half-heard words while fading towards sleep. They were there. We stopped for a minute, his breathing heavy, his hair falling past his face. I pushed it back towards him, trying to put poor little Jason McCann back together. There he was, vulnerable for the first time. Even in the van, telling me about Alex, he still seemed strong, confident. And now here were these seconds where, waiting for my response, he was beginning to come undone.

"I love you too, Jason," I whispered, meaning every word, tasting it on my tongue, loving how I said it. Loving "I love you". And I knew why people said it all the time. It felt so good, like passing hope from one person to the next.

His face broke out into a wide-tooth grin and he grabbed me, holding me tight to him, pushing my breasts against him. Then our eyes locked, and Jason's emotions overtook him again. His kisses became torturous and slow. He came up for air every two seconds. I arched my back, grinding my hips against him, begging him to enter me. In response he started to kiss my neck. "Baby, I know how much you want it. A few more minutes." I groaned in response. Jason's kisses got slower.

I dug my nails into his back, encouraging him to get it over with. Instead he took one of my nipples in his mouth and began to suck on it, leisurely but deep. I moaned, both in pleasure and anticipation. "That's right," he said teasingly. "I'm going to take my time, and you're going to looooove it."

"Jason, fuck me, please," I begged, pulling his hair up so he could meet my eyes.

He shoved himself into me so fast I lost my breath. "How's that feel?" he started to move himself in and out of me. "Does it feel good, Leah?"

"So good," I said, sinking into the mattress.

Holding on to one of my shoulders for support, Jason began his rhythm, thrusting himself into me. "Wrap your legs around me tight, babe," he said, a plan forming in his mind. I did as I was told, and Jason lifted me clear off the bed and shoved me against the wall. The wallpaper was cold against my back, but I was already shivering in ecstasy. The wall rubbed against me, up and down as Jason willed. I tried to grab onto it for support but it was flat, there was nothing there, only Jason holding me up. In the perfect position, he began to suck on my nipples. I gripped his shoulders, squeezing his muscles, closing my eyes so I could feel as much as I could, feel until I burst.

"Aren't you glad to waited, baby?" Jason asked me as I began to feel myself climax.

We came together, that burst of energy. My toes curled as it exploded out of me, and Jason quickly laid me back down on the bed. Slipping under the covers, he threw the blanket over his head, and we were in our own world, our own little tent of sheets. He kissed me then, light as a butterfly's wings, but you know what they say about the butterfly effect.

He began to kiss me again, more intense, cupping my face in his hands, the sheets settling around us. I locked my legs around him, caging him to me. He seemed like a willing prisoner. "I love you, Leah Collins. I just want to say that again," he said, lowering the sheets and putting his nose to my neck, laying on top of me. I felt anchored to the earth. I looked up at the ceiling, my insides fluttering. And I knew that no matter how much I wanted it, we couldn't be together. The entire world was against us.


	15. Chapter 15

My mind was racing. The room was dark, Jason had drawn the shades, the world was quiet besides the faint sound of cars going by on the highway. Light from their headlights slipped through cracks in the shades and danced across the room. My eyes followed every single one. I couldn't go to sleep. I had to go back home soon, had to slip back into my bed and pretend I'd never been gone. I had to keep living the life I used to and leave Jason behind me. I didn't know how much he would miss me.

I wasn't sure what to tell him. Or if to tell him at all. Well, I guess I had to tell him. I couldn't avoid it.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to feel him above all things. The weight of him on top of me, his body temperature, the gentle breathing. I wanted to feel him close to me forever. I closed my eyes and forced my body to succumb to sleep.

My eyes opened again when Jason got up off of me. The digital clock next to the bed read 5:07am. "I should bring you back home," Jason said, putting his clothes back on. He crawled back onto the bed and kissed me good morning.

Words I should've said caught in my throat. I wanted Happy Jason as much as possible. The Jason that just told me he loved me. And I said it back, so I had to honor that, if only until I got back home. Then I remembered something.

"Shit, Julia," I said. I hopped off the bed and threw my clothes back on, rushing out with Jason following behind me. I had to wait for him to open the door with his key card. Then I burst in.

I was surprised to see the sight before me. Johnson was sleeping on one bed, with Sanders and Julia sleeping on top of the other bed, not under the covers, thank God. It was so innocent for Sanders, I was shocked. They were only about an inch apart, Julia turned toward him on her side and Sanders on his back. They didn't even wake up despite my bursting in.

"That's almost adorable," Jason whispered to me. I nodded, walking over to the bed and gently shaking Julia awake. Her eyes opened gradually and she slowly slid off the bed, silently complying.

"Let's get home," I told her. She agreed in her tired, muddled way. We led her to the car and she laid down in the backseat while I sat up in the front. The sun was beginning to rise, giving the sky that gorgeous blue look that sometimes I wish I could get up in the morning to watch sometimes if I wanted to get out of bed.

Jason put his hand on my knee. I tried to memorize how it felt. I tried to memorize his face, his movements, the way he focused on the road, while simultaneously blocking out the sound of Julia making some sort of sleeping noise in the backseat.

Before I knew it we were back outside my house. "I'll see you around, Leah," Jason said, kissing me meaningfully. I smiled at him. Hell, I'd tell him eventually, but not now, not when we had time together.

I opened the door to the backseat and dragged Julia out. She managed to stay awake long enough to climb up to my room and crawl into bed. As I shut the window behind us I saw Jason drive down the road, away. God he was beautiful. My heart was aching but so was my entire body, having gotten only a few hours of sleep at most. I slipped into bed as well, falling back asleep easily despite my head still spinning with doubts and questions.

Julia and I woke up around noon with little question from my parents, since it wasn't entirely abnormal for us. Anyway, they ran out to do errands, leaving Julia and I to fix our own breakfasts, and to talk about the events of last night.

"Sanders is so sweet," Julia said, dreamily stirring her Lucky Charms.

"What?" I yelped. "How could you think that?"

"Hey, you're the one who likes Jason McCann, don't even lecture me. I can't believe you would keep this from me for a whole week. You even lost your virginity to him. I should be pissed at you right now," Julia scolded. "But I'm not. And do you know why? Because you, Leah Collins, have become a badass. And not even one of those fake badasses from rich families who like smoke salvia or drink from the liquor cabinet. Honest to God badass. It's kind of cool, considering what a goody-goody you used to be."

"I wasn't that good," I said.

Julia gave me a look. "Seriously? You did all your weekend homework on a Friday night, you were always home at least ten minutes before curfew, you never kissed on a first date, shall I continue?"

"So what? I don't like getting in trouble."

"And Jason McCann is the face of innocence. Leah, you have really gotten yourself in it for this one. It must really be love."

"He did tell me he loved me last night."

Julia squealed. "That's so cute. You guys are really sweet together. I mean, he may be a wanted criminal but he seemed like an okay guy to me. I mean, maybe you shouldn't tell the others, the less people that know the better, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that. But Julia, I don't think I should see him anymore."

"Just when I thought you were becoming a regular, rebellious teenager. Classic Collins strikes again. I'm reasonably disappointed in you."

"Reasonably?"

"I don't want your parents to think I'm a bad influence. So though I don't approve of your ending seeing the irresistible Jason and his equally mouthwatering partner in actual crime, I'm not going to encourage you to choose otherwise. See? Good friend."

"Oh, totally," I said sarcastically. I got up and put my cereal in the sink. "Would you come with me? If I went with him?"

Julia thought about it for a minute. "Maybe, were you thinking about it?"

"A little."

"Abandoning everything? Doesn't sound like you at all."

"I know."

"Wow. Jason McCann, corrupting young women everywhere."

"Hopefully not everywhere. Hopefully just Haverford, Nevada."

"I mean, he is hot, Leah. But is he worth giving up everything you've worked for?"

"I can't have both. I either have the world or him."

"Deep."

"I know."

Julia grinned at me then. "Let's not focus on this right now. Let's go hang around Haverford for the day. Maybe it'll help you make your decision?"

"I've already decided I'm staying. No more Jason," I said, my hands on my hips, like it would make me seem like the decision was more finite and easy than it was.

"Alright, whatever. I still want to go shopping."

"Agreed."


	16. Chapter 16

**Oh gosh guys. I've really fallen in love with this story, and sorry it's been taking me a long time to update and such, but I've been working on what direction I want it to go, and I think I got it pretty well. I hope you guys like it. Thank you so much for your reviews and support. :) **

I don't act like a rich girl, typically. Seriously. I don't act like I'm higher above than everyone else. And that's for a reason. I was poor for a really long time, up until I was about eleven. Then my dad hit his stride in the real estate market and my mom got published. That's when I moved into Haverford, basically a rich person's town where my dad was in charge of a new building project. I've lived that life.

But Julia hasn't.

And okay, I love shopping, but I still haven't grown out of looking at price tags and cringing sometimes. But Julia was flinging things off the shelf. "What says 'poor girl chic'?" she asked.

"None of it," I said, thumbing the soft, expensive fabric. "And why are you asking that? Nobody here dresses like they're poor."

"I want a new look. I'm starting fresh."

"So you're throwing out all your old stuff?"

"Not all of it, some of it works into my theme. And I'll give it to Goodwill, calm down."

"I wasn't not calm," I said, though kind of annoyed now. I hate when people tell me to calm down.

"Whatever. Find some stuff you like, I'll meet you back here."

I ended up finding a few things that I liked. And Julia approved of them too. What I didn't tell her was that they were from the sale section, which is where I usually buy stuff anyway. I bought a scarf, two skirts, a pair of shorts, and some cute shirts. But Julia basically bought herself a new wardrobe. And all of the stuff was purposely distressed, torn, worn down and scuffed. I didn't really see why she needed that, I do that to my clothes on my own. But there she was, armfuls of bags. After putting our stuff in her car, she led me to Nike.

This made sense for me. I had track starting up soon and needed to buy some new running stuff. But Julia doesn't run. And I think you're wondering why at this point we're somehow friends. It's because we're neighbors and we have basically every class together.

"You need to get stuff here, Jules?" I asked.

"I want to get some running shoes," Julia said, and without further explanation she walked over to an employee, probably to ask what shoes she should get.

I tried to keep curious thoughts out of my mind as I looked through sports bras and running tops. Since returning from my trip to Jason's I'd gone running a lot, more than usual. After a particularly long eight miles, my mom told me that I ran to "exercise" (no pun intended) my freedom of movement. And I guess that made sense. The last time I'd been was yesterday right before Julia came over, and it was a six mile loop. I wondered then what would happen if I went away with Jason. Could I still run? Would I have to pick between running and Jason too? Why did it feel like I'd have to drop everything for Jason?

And then I thought of Jason. Really thought of him. How wonderful it was to be close to him, his breath on me, his whole body on me, his sweat and my sweat mixing, the beauty of skin to skin contact. His hair gently falling in his face. The words "I love you" coming out of his mouth. All the simple things he did that drove me crazy.

"What do you think, Leah?" Julia's voice snapped me out of my thinking. She was holding up a box with brand new running shoes in them.

"I like them, but I didn't think you liked running."

"I'm going to take it up. You'll help me, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah, definitely. That's so cool, Julia! We can run together."

Julia grinned at me. "You'll probably have to walk with me a little, though."

"That's fine, I'm glad you're doing it. Did I finally get through to you?"

Julia grinned wider, if that was even possible. "You could say that."

I gave her a suspicious look but decided not to question it too deeply. Julia running was new, but I was willing to embrace it. "Do you want to try them out when we get back?"

Julia shook her head. "I actually have a huge English project to do. We should probably get out of here. Are you all set?"

"I'm just going to go try these out, then we can go," I said, holding up some clothes I liked.

"Cool," Julia said. I saw her still admiring her new shoes as I went into the fitting room.

I hated being skeptic of Julia. She was a strange girl when she wanted to be, but that was part of what I loved about her. And we did have an English project to do, though I wouldn't categorize it as "huge". She dropped me off at my house and then went down a few houses to her own. Once home, I decided to finally shove all the makeup work out of my way, that is, by doing it, with the help of some motivational music and frequent breaks.

Shortly after I was done, sitting in front of the TV watching nothing in particular, I got a text.

_Hey hot stuff. _Guess who.

_Hey. _I didn't know what to say. How do you distance yourself from the person you've been closest to?

_Sore?_

_Slightly. I did go on a long run yesterday._

_You know what I mean._

I blushed despite myself. _You were rather good._

_Aren't I?_

_Where are you now?_

_In your pants._

_Then it's disturbing that I can't feel you at all._

_I'm somewhere, somewhere on a road. They all look the same these days. _

_Perhaps. I went shopping with Julia today._

_Is that a weird thing?_

_No. But she bought running shoes and distressed clothes._

_Okay?_

_I don't know._

_I wouldn't really know about Julia's habits. _

_I guess you wouldn't._

_Are you okay? _Here came the fatal question. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think of an ideal answer. Nothing came.

_Just tired, I guess._

_Sorry. ;)_

_Ha ha. I'll talk to you later, okay?_

_Sounds good. _

No "I love you". Maybe he thought text was too informal, or maybe he was tuned in to what I was thinking. I sunk deeper into my couch. My parents had long come home from their errands but they'd gone upstairs. I hadn't really talked to them since...forever. They were both insanely busy with their lives. I'd put it on hold by being kidnapped, I knew, so now they were behind and needed to catch up. Now that I was back they felt no need for me because I wasn't gone. I was like a painting on the wall. They spent a lot of money on it and seeing it makes them feel reassured but they don't really care about its existence until it's vanished, gone, forever. Was that too harsh? They were my parents, after all. And they did love me, to a degree. Maybe everything changed when we got rich, now that I thought of it. They had to work to keep up this lifestyle. And I was at that age anyway when I thought my friends more important than family. Slowly we transitioned away from each other until we were all just people who shared a house.

Wow. That was a downer. I watched some more TV until my brain couldn't take it and went upstairs to my bed. My mind felt foggy and my heart felt hollow and I missed Jason but I couldn't miss Jason. He was gorgeous, but screwed up. He was tender, but a criminal. God dammit. I pushed a pillow into my face and screamed for the hell of it. And that's when Julia texted me.

_Hey :)_

_Hey, what's up?_Maybe she could distract me from my crisis.

_Do you want to do a clothes swap tomorrow? _Julia and I sometimes got together with our clothes and took whatever we wanted. We were basically the same size, and it was nice to get some new-ish clothes without having to pay for them.

_Yeah, sure._

_Sweet. See you tomorrow at 12?_

_Yeah._

_Alright, bye you sweet thing!_

That was kind of strange. Julia has been super strange lately. Since meeting Sanders, so that might make more sense. I packed up random clothes and everything, including all the necessary stuff since our clothes swaps usually resulted in sleepovers. I usually don't get to have sleepovers on weeknights, but Julia's house is basically a second home for me anyway.

So I was both puzzled and heartbroken. I got ready for bed and climbed in, succumbing to sleep quickly.

I woke up to Jason.


	17. Chapter 17

"Jason?" I said, still cloudy from sleep.

"Hey baby," he said, grinning devilishly. It made him look hot but made me worried.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He twirled a piece of my hair around his finger, staring at it before looking back at me. Like he had when he was at a job, he seemed determined to do something. I just wasn't sure what it was yet. "I think you know."

"I don't," I said.

Jason put his hand under my head and tilted me up to kiss him. He rolled on top of me and started kissing me more. I felt so out of it, I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. And then he clicked the handcuffs. Quickly I twisted my body, forcing him to break contact and fall on the floor with an almost comical "oof".

"What the fuck?" I whispered. "I thought we were done with these."

"I just need to make sure you cooperate," Jason whispered back, crawling back on the bed and kissing my neck. "It'll all be over soon."

"What will be over?"

"The process."

"What process?"

"You've had enough questions." Jason grabbed a bandana out of his pocket and stuffed it into my mouth. I knew why they called them gags now, I felt like I was going to throw up.

"What the hell?" is what I tried to say, but it came out too garbled to understand. Jason grinned at me.

"You're cute when you're confused. Not that I like stupid girls," he added, grabbing my bag of clothes from off my floor. "I'll be right back." He climbed out of the window with definite agility, I heard him climb down and land softly on the grass below.

How did he know they were there? Luckily I knew I didn't have much time to think. Jason had clipped the cuffs while my hands were in front so I took the gag out of my mouth and managed to get myself into a sitting position, where I stood up off the bed. Where to go...if I could get to my parents' room in time...or I could just scream.

Just as I was taking in that giant breath I felt Jason's hand clamp over my mouth. He grabbed me around the waist to subdue me. "Leah, baby, it's okay."

His soothing voice in my ear and his touch relaxed me for a moment, and tired flew back into my body. I rested the back of my head against his chest, loving the way it felt.

"That's right, it's fine," Maybe it was fine. Maybe everything was fine. I felt Jason's hand come off my mouth. Then I remembered why it was there in the first place.

I started to scream. Jason got me within about half a second, though.

"Please don't," Jason said, his hand returning to my mouth. "I swear, every time I think I can trust you..." I looked up at him with pleading eyes. "Don't act like this isn't what you want, Leah. I know you. You're afraid to do wrong. But I've lived a lot in my seventeen years, and this is the most right thing I've ever known."

It was a beautiful sentiment, but I couldn't leave. I tried to struggle but he held me close to him. I felt so torn, because he felt so great but my life felt pretty great too. Having a life, a life that my parents wanted, a life that I wanted (most of the time). But Jason wouldn't let me go, and I don't know if I'd ever let him go either, in the metaphorical sense.

"Shhhh," he whispered to me as I struggled fruitlessly against him. It only made him hold me tighter. "You're going to have to trust me now. We're going to go through the house. If you make a sound, I'm going to have to knock you out. I know how."

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

"Why are you against this?" Jason shot back. "Now shut up, okay?"

"Would you really do that to me?" I asked.

"You know what I'm capable of, Leah," he said. And he was perfectly right, I did. Then he opened the door to my room and began to move us out of it, making me match him step for step. The house was still and silent, the stairs didn't even creak as we walked down them, though I willed them to. It was like the whole world had just frozen. Once outside, Jason grabbed my arm and opened the door to the back of the same car he'd had last night. There was a makeshift bed, a pillow and a few blankets. He undid one of the cuffs and then cuffed me back in once I was stuck to the car door. He ran a hand through my hair. "Just try and sleep, Leah." Then he kissed me again, with such force and dedication I had to kiss back. I could practically taste fire on his tongue.

"As if I can sleep," I said, but I was tired, despite the cuffs digging into my wrists.

Jason put a blanket over me and kissed me on the forehead. Then he shut the door and got in the front, starting up the car. It was done now. So I started screaming again, with all the energy I had left. Jason reached back and effortlessly stuck another gag into my mouth. I whimpered again, if only to make him feel bad. He was trying not to notice as he pulled away from my house, my neighborhood, probably going to get out of the state, even.

I saw curtains on the two side back windows, so no one could see me in there. I whimpered again, this time more for myself.

"Leah..." Jason said, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Mmm?"

"Try to sleep, baby. It'll be better."

But I couldn't. I just stayed quiet so he thought I did. We drove for hours on end, lights sometimes sliding through the cracks, sometimes no light at all. During that time I thought about where he was taking me. And then I remembered the bag. He knew I had the bag full of stuff. But who would've...

Julia.

What did Julia have to do with this? Was she involved in this twisted plot? And God this gag as making me dehydrated. I needed water. Water... I moaned despite myself.

"Do we need to stop?" Jason asked. I heard him turn on his directional and stop, probably at some rest area. Then he climbed in the back and took my gag out. "Tell me what you want." He was looking at me like he'd do anything, but still a hard gaze, like he was still going to be strict or angry, if I answered "freedom" perhaps.

"Water," I replied, thinking of the most immediate thing.

Jason grabbed a bottle out of the front seat and poured it slowly into my mouth. It spilled a little but other than that it was good, so good. Once Jason figured I'd had enough he tipped it back up and twisted the cap back on.

"And I want to know why you did this. Again." I sighed.

Jason ran a hand through my hair, staring at the top of my head before returning to my eyes. "You can't live your normal life and be with me, Leah. I knew you'd have to choose, and Julia told me what your choice was. And you know it's not the right choice."

"You didn't let me choose," I said, tears starting to leak out of my eyes.

Jason wiped them away with his thumb. "But you've already chosen, in your mind. I love you, Leah."

"I love you too," I told him. "But couldn't you have just told me that before scaring me so badly?"

"This is more fun," Jason said, grinning as usual.


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey guys! Sorry I've been uploading these so late at night. I'm usually busy during these summery days and then write late at night and I'm like "Oh I should upload this, they'll dig it." And I really do dig you guys, thanks for the hits and visitations and reviews (hint hint). As a reward for being so wonderful I have written you my favorite chapter so far. No kidding! I don't know how much longer this is going to be, but I am considering an action-packed sequel. Let me know what you think! **

"You're a jerk," I said, trying unsuccessfully to turn away from him. He easily held me by the waist, keeping me facing him. And then he got on top of me. In a show of common courtesy he undid my handcuffs, allowing me to grope him freely.

And yes, I was aware that we were in a parking lot somewhere I didn't really know where, but that didn't matter. It doesn't matter where Jason and I had sex, it was the fact that we did. The fact that we shared our love at all, our strange, twisted love that arose out of the dark place of a hostage situation.

He started to peel my clothes off, this time not trying to take it slow at all. It was beginning to get cold in the car since he had shut it off but it didn't matter because he was radiating heat. I yanked his shirt off and he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down with his boxers. Practically unable to contain himself he threw himself on me again, covering me with kisses while I squealed under him. Then I decided to flip us over.

I liked the control I had over Jason. I put his arms above his head, bent down and started to kiss him. He could've overpowered me but instead let me, moaning as I kissed him everywhere I could reach. I felt his arousal against me, and denied him no longer. The second he was inside me I felt a wave of lust and pleasure.

He sat up for a kiss. I threw my arms around his neck as he began to move under me. I matched him with my hips grinding against him. He forced deeper into our kiss, then began to trail kisses slowly from the side of my face, down to my neck, where he began to suck deeply, what I knew would be a dark hickey. "Now you're mine forever," Jason breathed onto my neck, which sent shivers up and down my spine like electric currents.

I could see the steam gathering on the car windows, could feel the steam between us. I took in a deep breath of heavy air. I pushed Jason backwards against the window, grabbing fistfuls of his hair. I thrusted against him harder, shorter. He gasped slightly at my ferocity, my animal instincts. Then he smirked at me, seizing me around the arms and throwing me back down below him. I tried to fight him back, tried to regain control, but he stayed stubbornly there, I supposed I couldn't complain too much. Or at all. He thrusted deeply into me, and it was all I could but to moan with ecstasy. He came in for another kiss, sucking on my tongue and nibbling on my bottom lip. Struggling against him encouraged him, and his grip around me grew tighter. One arm was around my waist and the other buried in my hair as we came centimeters from falling off of the backseat.

After we'd climaxed he gathered me in his arms. His golden brown eyes locked onto my gray-blue ones. He probed into my soul, and we didn't even have to speak to each other to know what we were saying. I felt dizzy and tired and glorious. I tried to see him clearly through bleary eyes. I wanted to take a picture of him with my mind and keep it with me forever.

As he had he began to nuzzle into my neck, kissing it gently as he fell asleep. He swathed us in an old flannel blanket, worn thin but soft all the same, and warm, as the nights were still cold. He held me against him, our bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. He was absentmindedly tracing the outline of my ear, whispering about how beautiful the night was, how the steam made the dark seem so much less like dark.

"I thought you liked the dark," I whispered.

"It's good for some things," Jason whispered back. "But sometimes I enjoy the day more. It really depends on how I'm feeling."

I turned to him, our noses touching at the tips. "I like daytime. I like the sun and the wind and the blue sky. I like how sharp and colorful everything is."

"But night can be beautiful too," Jason said. I liked how, when we were this close, I could taste and feel and smell his words. His breath smelled like his kiss tasted, tangy and sweet and like sex. "The different blacks and blues, the stars. The way darkness seeps into things, into corners. But darkness isn't bad. It has a bad reputation. But it doesn't deserve it. The best things happen at night. Like this." He gave me a lingering kiss that stole my breath away.

"So you relate to it?" I asked when I could breathe again.

"I suppose you could say that," Jason mumbled, his eyes closing. I kind of wish they didn't, I could've stared into his eyes all night.

"Good. I will."

"Go for it." Jason's voice grew progressively quiet.

"Jason, don't go to sleep," I said, suddenly panicked.

Jason's eyes flew open. "Why? Are you alright? Is everything okay?"

"I...I don't know. I just, I want you to stay awake with me. I want to stay here forever."

Jason pulled me closer, if that was even possible. The entire lengths of our bodies were touching. I could feel his words as he said them, the little puffs of air that they were. "Leah, it's okay. Fall asleep. Let the world slow down. Let everything go."

For some reason after he said that I felt unbelievably tired. Through half-lidded eyes I could see Jason's eyes closing as well. He started to stroke my hair rhythmically, and I wasn't entirely sure if he was still awake. It used to take me forever to fall asleep, sometimes hours and hours when my brain wouldn't shut up. But with Jason I could feel myself falling quickly, rapidly, to almost a scary degree. I thought I would twitch but I didn't. And it felt good.

Jason's arms formed a protective cocoon around me that I never wanted to be released from. I pressed my ear against his chest and listened to his heartbeat, slow and strong. It was the best lullaby that there ever could be. I buried myself in the world he had created for me, happy and contented, easily falling asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey guys! So I'm actually going to start writing a new Jason McCann story which will be up shortly after this one ends, which is in a few chapters. But I don't want to get too ahead of myself. Enjoy! :) **

I woke to the first rays of dawn shining in my eyes, with not nearly enough sleep. Still, the day stretched out in front of me, a different type of day. A day without limits.

Sleeping in the backseat of a car doesn't automatically sound like an attractive prospect, but it was lovely, honestly. I sat up gingerly, putting my bra and shirt back on for modesty and took in my surroundings. We were in one of those rest areas, you know, with the food areas and the multitude of restrooms. On the other side of the car, some distance away, cars already zoomed by on the expressway. This early? I felt bad for them.

I felt Jason pull me back down towards him for a good morning kiss, which was good even with the morning breath. "Hungry?" he asked.

"We can't just go in there," I said. "They might recognize you."

"Doubtful," Jason said. "It's early morning, everyone's out of it. Come on, let's grab something then get back on the road."

We dressed quickly, me grabbing stuff out of my bag because Jason had kidnapped me in my pajamas. I braced myself as we got out of the car and headed into the building. Braced myself to run. Got the adrenaline together. Squeezed Jason's hand tightly as he pushed through the glass doors.

But Jason turned out to be right. The smattering of people in there barely looked up from their steaming coffees. We walked around a little until we reached a Dunkin Donuts. We ordered breakfast sandwiches and hot chocolate with no trouble, not even a suspicious look, but we decided to take it to go and headed back to the car. This time he let me sit up front.

"So where are we going?" I asked him, taking a big bite of egg, cheese, and bread.

"We're going to meet up with everyone, and then going to Pennsylvania."

"Pennsylvania?"

"Johnson needs to go there, he won't tell us why. And whatever, I've got no ties to Nevada anymore anyway. It'll be nice to get a change of scenery."

"Pennsylvania," I echoed. I'd never been there before. I'd been as close as New York. I'd always kind of liked the East Coast, the idea of it. I felt a pull there. "Sounds good."

"I thought so too," Jason said.

I wasn't surprised to see Julia when we arrived at the old house. She had several bags packed and was grinning wickedly at me. "Forgive me yet?"

I gave her a hug. "I guess."

"I feel good about this," Julia said, holding me at arm's length, inspecting my hair, which I hadn't bothered brushing yet today. "And I think you do too." I shrugged in reply.

"What are you doing with the house?" I asked.

Jason grinned. "It's not our house."

"You mean you've been squatting?"

"Yeah, for the time being. It's not like we're staying for long. It's okay, Leah," Jason said.

"Where are Johnson and Sanders?"

"_Colin's _out in the back. Johnson's up in his room freaking out or something," Julia told me.

"Colin? That's his name?"

"Yep," Julia said, with an air of pride. I started to wonder what she and Sanders had done for her to deserve his first name but quickly shook the thought off.

Just then, Johnson came down the stairs. "Are you guys all set?" Julia was right, he was definitely freaking out.

"Sure," Jason said, rearranging his hair in a bored manner.

"Born ready!" Julia said with a ridiculous amount of energy.

Johnson began pacing. Sanders walked into the room. "Jesus fucking Christ Johnson, you'll wear marks into the floor. Oh, hey Leah."

"Sanders," I said. Being in the kitchen with him again was stirring up bad memories. We couldn't look each other in the eye. I could sense Julia sensing it but she didn't say anything.

"Alright," Jason said, his hair arranged to his liking. "Let's stop standing around and do something. We could start loading the van, for example."

"Sounds good," Julia said, sounding eager to get out of the situation at hand. I couldn't blame her.

We all began to put suitcases into the van, slowly emptying out the house. Johnson dropped things left and right, he couldn't seem to calm his nerves. I would've laughed if I wasn't so worried for him and why he needed to go to Pennsylvania. What if he was going to give Jason and Sanders to the cops? No, he wouldn't do something like that. He cared too much about them. So what was it? I asked Jason when we found a moment alone in the living room, stowing various electronics.

"I don't even know, so it's big. Johnson's quiet a lot of the time about stuff, but I don't think I've ever heard him mention Pennsylvania, ever."

So it remained a big mystery.

The van was set up so there were two beds in the way back, along with a few boxes tucked securely in the corners, and then most of the stuff up behind the seats. The guys would all take turns driving, because they were used to driving the van and getting pulled over for some stupid reason was not an option.

The first few shifts were the most difficult because everyone was on the same biological clock. But slowly and with the help of semi-frequent coffee stops, we adjusted. It was supposed to take a little over 2 days to get to Pennsylvania but with stops and stretching our legs, after two days we were somewhere in Iowa with no end in sight.

"Kill me now," I said, holding my head in my hands in some small roadside diner we found. Johnson was sleeping off a night shift in the van but the rest of us decided it was high time for warm food. Jason and I had just woken up for the Awake But Not Driving stage, and it was around 10am...somewhere.

"We'll get there," Julia said, taking a sip of her coffee. I had opted for milk, despite Jason making fun of me. Jerk.

"I don't even know _why_ we're going there," I said.

"Neither do I, but didn't Johnson imply that we'd be staying there for awhile?" Julia asked Sanders.

Sanders nodded as the waitress delivered our food, looking shiny with grease but still entirely edible. In what was practically unison we all dug in. "It'll be interesting at least, to find out what's making him so goddamn nervous. He's making _me _stressed and I didn't even do anything!" Sanders said.

"Like usual?" Jason quipped.

"Yeah!" Sanders exclaimed, maybe not realizing the dig.

"I'm just sick of being in the van for hours on end. I'd rather just stay in Iowa than go back in there," I said.

"I'll make it worth your while," Jason said, putting an arm around my shoulders.

Julia made a face at me. "Eww guys."

"Come on, like we haven't done that," Sanders said to Julia. Then he looked at us. "At least _we _know how to stay quiet."

"Maybe the fact that Julia _can_ stay quiet should be cause for alarm, Sanders," Jason said. Jason really was dissing Sanders today, but maybe he remembered the Kitchen Incident. Well obviously he did.

I was still trying to wrap my head around the Julia and Sanders thing. And then, wait a minute. "You guys had _sex_?" I exclaimed, turning a few heads in the diner. I quickly pretended it never happened by wiping my face with a napkin.

Julia blushed, and she usually doesn't blush that often. Typically I'm the one who does all the blushing. "Well..."

"YES! We DID THE DEED!" Sanders yelled. If everyone in the diner hadn't been looking at us before, they were now. I took a long sip of my milk.

"Colin..." Julia warned with a whisper, keeping her head down.

Jason and I glanced at each other. And okay, we weren't a much older couple, but still. "Quit being an asshole, Sanders," Jason said.

Sanders rolled his eyes. "It's all in good fun."

I felt the mood shift and knew that Sanders wasn't going to be getting any for awhile. I almost giggled but managed to hold it in. And then it was back to the open road.


	20. Chapter 20

Luckily for Sanders, the long, boring highway has a way of making people forgive fights out of sheer boredom. When Jason took the wheel they were spooning in their little cot, and I'll admit, it was almost cute. Maybe Sanders had changed from the guy who stuffed a dishtowel in my mouth and called me a whore.

I settled into the seat next to Jason as the van got into motion. It was dark and this particular strip of highway seemed endless. Within minutes I was bored and Jason seemed to be irritable.

"I'm bored."

"That is understood," Jason said, gritting his teeth.

"When are we going to get there?" I asked slowly, trying to keep my words measured.

"Why should I have any fucking idea?" Jason asked back. The smallness of the van was really getting to him, getting to all of us.

"Alright, calm down," I said, laying back in the chair, staring at nothing. We couldn't even have the radio on so people sleeping wouldn't wake up.

"Is Johnson asleep too?" Jason asked after a long period of silence.

"Yeah I think so." Johnson, after freaking out and staying up for days on end, had finally fallen into a long, uninterrupted sleep, even during our frequent bathroom stops (Julia's fault). Jason and I were the only ones awake. It would've been sort of romantic if we weren't so at each other's throats.

"Alright." Silence again.

"Why did you ask that?"

"Why wouldn't I? Just to make conversation," Jason's hands gripped the steering wheel hard.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Leah. Why don't you go take a nap or something?"

"I've been napping. All day. In and out. Because there's nothing to DO on this fucking van."

"You had a choice to come with us."

"No I didn't! You kidnapped me! Again!"

"You wanted it."

"That doesn't mean I chose to come with you!"

"Yes you did," Jason's voice had gotten lower, maybe in consideration for those at rest. "Because you chose me."

"I guess," I said slowly. The fight's fire had gone out. We were silent once again. I had chosen Jason. Why? He was moody and inconsiderate and killed people. He hated authority and rules. His brother was shot by the police, he didn't talk about his parents. He lived basically on the road with a rogue military man and an even moodier counterpart who was currently dating my best friend. But...

I loved him.

And he loved me.

And I don't think anything in the world made more sense to me than that.

"What do you think about?" I asked Jason suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Jason still sounded kind of irritated but I decided to kind of push the topic.

"I don't know. Like right now. What did you think about when we weren't talking?"

"How we weren't talking..."

"No I mean like, do you think about Alex..."

"I don't like to think about Alex much anymore," Jason interrupted.

"Why?"

"Because he's gone," Jason said. "He got shot. The police shot him."

"I know." It was all over the newspaper when it happened. Everyone was happy that the person who wrecked havoc at a policeman's funeral was apprehended. "But don't you think about him?"

"I've done my thinking. I have to do things now."

"Like what things?"

"Why are you psychoanalyzing me? Why are you so fascinated by my life?"

"You're my boyfriend..."

"I don't really have the most charmed life. Not all of us were born into this wonderful family and grow up in Rich-Suburb-Near-Las-Vegas."

"I wasn't born rich."

"Well whatever Leah, the fact is my life wasn't so great." I'm silent, waiting for him to explain, but he doesn't. He glares at the road ahead.

"Why are we fighting?" I finally asked.

"We aren't fighting," Jason said.

"Yes we are! You're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"Then what the fuck is your problem?"

"Right now, it's you."

"So you are mad at me!"

"I didn't say that," Jason was growing more and more angry by the second.

"You said I'm your problem! So you must be mad at me."

"Leah, please just shut up. Can you do that for me?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and made a disagreeing noise, like a spoiled little girl. Maybe Jason wasn't so far off in his evaluation of me. I'd never really seen myself that way, but now, trapped inside a van, it seemed like my privileged upbringing was working against me. I felt angry and powerless. "I don't get you sometimes."

"Get in line."

Goddammit. Sometimes I wanted to punch him in the face.

The only thing to do was watch the highway go by. Sometimes if we were next to a car for a long time I'd make up a story about the person in the front seat, like I used to. You could've cut the tension in the van with a knife, but everyone was silent and 3/5ths of us still asleep. I wanted to fall asleep but my messed up biological system made me awake.

"Happy birthday," I heard Jason whisper. I looked at the clock. It was midnight, exactly.

"Whose birthday is it?" I wanted to know.

Jason didn't say anything for a long time. "Alex's."

"Oh."

"The last birthday he had was his 21st. He snuck me into a bar somehow, I think he knew the owner. At that point I was living with Ralph, and it was the first time I'd stayed somewhere for a decent amount of time. Anyway yeah, I got drunk, acted like a douchebag. Alex and I got into a huge fight. I don't really remember it. I think I drank too much and walked into a really busy street. Alex said I could've died. And then...then I told him fuck him and said if he died...if he died I wouldn't care, so why should he care if I did? He told me to stop being such an ungrateful asshole since he did everything to make sure I still had a future. I think I passed out after that. He let me stay at his place so Ralph wouldn't catch me drunk. He was a good brother, I don't care what the fucking police say. They don't matter anyway. They shoot people without knowing why, really. I mean sure Alex bombed people but he was a good person."

I didn't know what to say to that. Jason glanced at me briefly. He gave me a halfhearted smile, which I could barely see in the low light.

"Jason," I started to say, though I realized I didn't really have anything to follow it up.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Okay."

...

"Are you uncomfortable with my past?"

I shifted a little in my seat. "It's just different from other peoples', I guess. It's full of death and violence and stuff."

"Fuck I hate this highway. Where are we?"

"Close, I think." Today we resolved to not take as many bathroom breaks or lunch or dinner or snack breaks and were actually, according to Google Maps, not far at all. But Johnson insisted on staying in a motel in the town, Halter, if we got there late at night. There was someone he needed to see, we had determined that. We had all made our guess as to what we were going to see. Sanders said crack dealer. Jason said high quality weed dealer. I said parents. Julia said long lost sibling. Kind of illustrates the whole dynamic, if you ask me.


	21. Chapter 21

"Well check," Jason said, trying to keep his voice steady. But I could relate. I'd done long bouts of highway driving before.

I found the map in the glove compartment. "Take Exit 24," I said, as we passed Exit 21.

Jason sighed. "Thank the fucking...something. I don't know. I don't even know what we're going to. We're probably just gonna turn the fuck around after. Maybe Johnson wants to see the biggest fucking ball of twine or something. I bet he's weird like that."

"Isn't that in Nebraska or something?"

"How would you know? Are you a twine enthusiast? A twine-hard?"

"Twine-hard?" I said, my eyebrows raised.

"Speaking of hard..."

"No!" I said, a little louder than intended. Jason had spoken to me several times over the course of the trip about road head. I said no way because there was a guy at my school that got road head from Sandra School-Slut (I never did find out her last name...) and he crashed his new Mercedes into a tree. Luckily no one was hurt, unless you count that guy's ego, which got pretty critically bruised.

"Come on Leah, get on your knees and suck like a good girl. I'm a fantastic driver, and if anything it'll keep me more awake. Besides, I always repay my debts."

"Hey look, Exit..." Jason got his hand ready to put on the signal as a reflex. "...23."

"I'm going to get you for that," Jason promised.

Then finally, like the Gates of Heaven, Exit 24 appeared. The nightmare was over. We turned onto it and after a little bit more of highway-like driving arrived in the sleepy town of Halter, population 5,653, now 5,658, for the time being. As is typical of a small town, everything was closed and dark, as it was around one in the morning. I looked around the town for any suspicious activity. There was a library, some restaurants, a couple empty buildings but some stores, and a lot of little houses. We actually had to drive out of the town to find an open motel. Jason parked the car in a near-empty parking lot.

"We're here. Sort of!" I announced to the entire car, meaning to be loud this time.

I heard a considerable amount of groaning (groaning, NOT moaning) from the back as people rolled out of cots and Jason opened the back of the van so people could stagger out. Johnson went inside to get rooms (two of them, it was decided) while the rest of us got the chance to stretch our legs and breathe in night air.

I already liked Pennsylvania. The air felt cleaner and wetter and I could see almost every star in the night sky. I opened my arms up to the sky and let it all in.

"Leah you're the weirdest," Julia commented, barely awake. She was leaning against the van, her light brown hair tangled around her in a way I'd never seen except at a Girl Scout Camp when we were seven and she'd forgotten her favorite brush and we were out in the wilderness.

"In bed," Jason added. He seemed to like Pennsylvania too.

Johnson came out and gave us our keys. We decided since we were all tired we most likely wouldn't be up to any mischief and sharing a room wouldn't be the worst possible thing in the whole world. Sanders swept Julia into his arms and carried her bridal style into the room, only a few hundred feet from where we were standing. It was one of those one-level motels with like, six rooms max. Jason unlocked the door and we stepped in.

Sanders deposited Julia on the bed and immediately jumped on top of her, covering her with kisses in the last of his consciousness. Jason and I however were still wide awake. "Shower?" he mouthed to me. I nodded, because there was no way we could do anything else.

The bathroom was adequate, with lots of little shampoos and soaps. I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked...disheveled seemed like the best word to use. My dark brown hair was scruffy and sticking out at strange angles, and also really looked like it could use a deep moisturizer. I'd barely even bothered with makeup, and I was surprised it didn't look worse. Maybe I could pull off little to no makeup now. I was New Leah, if I was even allowed to be Leah anymore.

"Hey, towel face," Jason said from behind me.

I turned to face him. "I'm not t-" And then a towel got thrown in my face. I took it off and glared at him. He grinned, walking up to me and holding me around the waist, pulling me in for a kiss. All was forgiven.

Jason walked over, breaking contact to turn the shower on. Then he walked over and started taking my clothes off. Him seeing me naked in the revealing light of the bathroom made me feel self-conscious, but I undressed him as well, getting a decent look at his naked body. He did have defined abs, smooth, taut muscles. I looked up into his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes, before scanning down below his waist. I must've made some sound of approval because Jason laughed.

"Come on, Leah," he said, reaching his hand out. I took it and we both stepped into the shower. The hot water cascading over us was just what I needed. Our kisses were wet but still electrifying. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pressed me against the shower wall. My feet were hovering a few inches above the floor, he held me there. Then he gave me a deep, questioning look, and I didn't have to hear what he was asking. I bit my lip for what must have been two seconds, and then nodded. He grinned back, and how could I resist that?

Gently but hastily, Jason pushed my head down. I settled onto my knees and took him into my mouth. I sucked on him, my head moving back and forth. I could barely get it all into me. I felt Jason bury his hands into my hair, a moan escape his mouth. He pushed my head in deeper, as deep as it could go. All my senses were directing at tasting him. And then he pulled my head out suddenly, pulling me back to my feet. He shoved me against the shower wall, pulling one of my legs aside to he could enter me.

He was grinding against me, and I could feel my g-spot being hit each time. He had pinned my hands above my head and was kissing me hard. The water was still hot and steam was pluming from the shower. I opened my mouth and allowed Jason inside it, nibbling his tongue.

He wasn't wearing a condom this time, so I felt him come into me. We continued kissing afterwards, washing each other's hair and worn out bodies. When Jason finally turned the water off I wasn't tired enough to go to sleep, but my body felt exhausted nonetheless. Jason wrapped a towel around me and held me close to him. We looked at each other in the mirror. My gray-blue eyes were bright and wild in a way that I'd only seen them since I'd met Jason. He put a towel on too and lead us to our bed for the night. We unwrapped the towels and got into bed clean, fresh. We both smelled like cheap motel soap, but it was a decent smell.


	22. Chapter 22

"What do you think is going to happen with Johnson?" Jason said in a low voice. The motel room buzzed softly with electricity and silence.

"Still no idea," I replied, resting my head against his chest. His old familiar heartbeat boomed at me.

Jason absentmindedly drew circles on my forearm, looking up at dull beige ceiling. We stayed there for hours, wide awake, talking every once in awhile. We watched sunrise come slowly over Halter, or Somewhere Outside Halter. The future seemed...I couldn't tell at the moment. It seemed there, that was for sure. I held on tightly to Jason's hand, and he squeezed back reassuringly.

Before Sanders and Julia woke up we put our clothes back on and lay on top of the covers instead. Johnson knocked on our door around nine, saying we had to go somewhere. Was it The Somewhere? We were all ready in minutes flat, but Johnson drove us even further outside Halter, to an old warehouse. Stepping inside I instinctively knew that this wasn't the place.

Johnson led us through a series of rooms until reaching a place with various electronic equipment. A guy not much older than Johnson, maybe in his thirties or so, smiled at our group. He was in the process of growing a red beard to match his wild red hair. He looked slightly dirty but not homeless dirty, like he did well enough for himself. He introduced himself as Greg.

"I figured you guys might as well get fake ID's," Johnson said to me and Julia. "You're technically missing persons."

"Runaways, huh?" Greg said. "It's a glamorous life."

Julia raised her eyebrow at him slightly, unsure of his character. I kept my face relatively expressionless.

"So, we need your new names," Greg said. He turned himself more to me. "Let's start with you."

"Amelia Morgan," I said immediately, remembering thinking of the name. It still had my name in it, essentially. People could call me Leah without it seeming too strange.

"Great," Greg said. "Step in front of the camera." I did as he said, and he snapped a decent picture of me. In a few minutes, Amelia Morgan was born, her life in my hands. She was from Indiana, apparently.

Julia gave the name Jolie Bradshaw. "What?" she said when I gave her a look. "Angelina Jolie's gorgeous, and Carrie Bradshaw is my role model."

"Who?" Jason asked.

Julia shook her head in disapproval.

"So why do we need fake ID's all of a sudden?" I asked Johnson as we headed back to the van.

"We're probably going to be staying in Halter for awhile, I just want to make sure you guys aren't found," Johnson said.

"Good idea Johnson," Jason praised. "Now where are we going?"

"You'll see."

We arrived in front of a house in the heart of Halter. It was...adorable. It was white, with blue shutters, two stories, and looked almost like a dollhouse. This was the kind of house I'd always wanted to live in. Nothing too fancy, but big enough to get some privacy if you needed it. By now, Johnson seemed at the height of his nerves. We all went up the walk, Sanders stepping up and ringing the doorbell. It was the traditional, cute doorbell sound. I felt almost like I was in the seventies or something.

A young woman with long curly blond hair answered. She looked almost like a fairy, with a petite bone structure and a flowing mint dress. When she saw Johnson, her face lit up and she opened the screen door to throw her arms around him. "I knew you'd come back!" she shouted. "My parents are inside." Then she finally saw all of us. "Who are you people?" she asked, though not rudely.

"Sara, these are my nephews, Sean and Caleb."

"What about the girls?"

"Before my brother and wife died they'd also adopted two girls, Amelia and Jolie. They're basically family to us."

Sara shook all of our hands. "Well, come inside. My parents are waiting, Mike."

Jason squeezed my hand quickly before letting go as we headed inside. All the decorations of the house were cute, wooden, looking like they'd been either passed down from generation to generation or just bought at a local furniture store. The living room was cozy, a woodstove in the corner and a huge handmade rug covering the shiny wood floors. Johnson sat down near Sara while the rest of us perched on chairs located around the room. I looked around and saw two people that must've been Sara's parents. They looked well brought up but still kindly.

"So you're finally back from Afghanistan, Michael?" Sara's mother asked.

"I've been back for awhile, but I couldn't come home. My brother Jake died and I had to watch over his kids for awhile." Johnson gestured over to us. We all waved awkwardly. "But I knew I had to come back, and I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so long, Sara."

Sara bit her lip. I could see tears beginning to sprout in her eyes. "It's okay," she said, so quietly it seemed like she had mouthed it.

"But I want to come back to Halter, I want to make things right. Could I stay here, for awhile, with the kids?"

"Absolutely," Sara said. "I have two guest rooms. Sean and Caleb could stay in one and Amelia and Jolie in the other." Yeah, like that would last. But we all nodded in agreement, slowly working out plans to not follow the rules, as usual.

Johnson swallowed audibly, playing with his hands. "And Sara, there's always been something I've wanted to ask you."

Sara's eyes went wide. "What is it?"

Johnson didn't answer right away, instead pulling a box out of his pocket and getting down on one knee. He opened the box, revealing a shining diamond ring. "Will you marry me?"

Julia and I glanced at each other in shock before turning back to them. Sara had her hand on her heart and seemed breathless, speechless. "Yes," she breathed.

Johnson put the ring on her finger. She stared at it for a long time, seeming like she couldn't even believe what was happening. Then she threw her arms around Johnson again, starting to cry. "I thought you'd never come home," she sobbed into his shoulder.

Johnson hugged her close to him. "I knew I'd always come back to you, no matter how long it took."

Jason's glance caught my eye and we smiled at each other, almost shyly. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. Suddenly, the future didn't seem so strange after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys! Last chapter! I know I've taken forever and I know you've heard all the excuses from everyone and blah blah blah. Check out my other story "That Was Us", I'll try to update occasionally, and I might have a new Jason McCann on the way? Who knows?**

**Thanks for all the support/reviews/smiles/okay time to shut up.**

**I've switched to Jason's point of view for this final chapter…**

They hurried up with the wedding. I guess after all this time you wouldn't fuck around with stuff like this.

Leah and Julia got on really well with Sara. They bonded over their similar love of weddings and all things fancy and white. It was a simple wedding, as far as weddings go. Leah and I sat together and she cried when they kissed. I wanted to hold her but she's supposed to be my adopted sibling so in public we have to maintain sibling boundaries. But then whenever we get back to the house I tear off all her clothes and make sure she forgets Amelia, at least for a little while.

The whole wedding, to me, was a tease. Leah was wearing a blue dress with a neckline that showed off just enough cleavage to make me unbelievably horny the entire time. But every time I tried to snake my hand up her skirt she swatted me away, mouthing "later". And so I thought that meant maybe after the whole church shit was over. But instead it meant after the reception, or whatever the fuck you call it.

Julia caught the bouquet, which I'm pretty sure freaked Sanders out. They're an interesting couple. They fight a lot more than Leah and I do, but Sanders told me that it just makes sex better since she gets so apologetic. He said I should try it with Leah, but we already have and I don't really want to fight with her anymore. Fighting takes up precious energy, if you know what I'm saying.

We've been living in the new digs for about three months now. It's not bad. Every night I sneak into the Leah and Julia's room and then Julia will go into the room I share with Sanders. We try to keep it consistent that way. Then we get up and switch back before Sara sees. It's not horrible pretending to be Leah's sibling, because in public I'll squeeze her butt or when we're in semi-private I'll start foreplay and easily beat her feeble attempts to fight me off. She's funny that way, acting like she doesn't want it.

"Jason, stop," she says when I run my foot up her leg at a table. I taste well-prepared food in my mouth but all I want to taste is her.

I grin back at her and she rolls her eyes, though playfully.

Finally after the hundredth time of me rubbing my feet against hers under the table she nods and we walk away from the reception, which is being held outside in a huge white tent. I don't understand the obsession with white weddings these days, as if girls are still virgins when they get married. Maybe some of them are. Sara wasn't though, that I know from the self-satisfied smiles she and Johnson share at breakfast most mornings, the smile of banging all night and just getting enough sleep.

Leah and I walk to the lake nearby. She slips off her shoes and I do the same, though I know it wrecks my suit ensemble. I look fucking awesome in a suit. Like James Bond or some shit. I should be in some high-speed car chase right now, not attending a wedding. Well, leaving a wedding.

Leah's really beautiful. Her hair is messy brown and her eyes are this wicked intense color that seems to switch from gray to blue depending on the lighting. She still runs a lot, she's really wiry and athletic and her muscles are defined but she's still skinny and small. We wade into the water. It's July, the water is warm. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a nice bun type of thing, with some of her hair still hanging down. It looks nice, but I prefer when she's not wearing any clothes. I start to zip her dress down but she shakes her head. "Jason, we're not that far away from everyone," she says, looking up at my innocently, which just makes me more hot for her.

I kiss her gently on the lips, feeling her melt into me. I fight the typical feeling to unzip her dress more, running my hands along her smooth, pale back. Instead we interlock our fingers. Her hand is warm and tiny and sometimes I forget even holding hands with her is nice. We have sex a lot, in case you couldn't tell. But I like to think we're dimensional.

It's mid-afternoon and the sun is high in the sky. I'm alive and my brother isn't, but his life was all about crime. I don't know if I'll ever go back to bombing. I don't know what circumstances will bring it back, if it does at all. All I know is I'm wading in the water with my hot girlfriend on a summer day.

"I love you, Jason," she says. Sometimes I can see her wild, racing thoughts behind her eyes. This isn't one of those times.

"I love you too," I say, letting the words take away everything else that I was thinking of. I hook a piece of her hair behind her ear. It's rougher than when I first met her. She spends her days outside and it's streaked with lighter brown pieces, and it feels like the sun has had its way with her. Just like I have. All the time...sorry.

And I know, standing there with her, that nothing's perfect, nothing is ever the way you plan it. I heard something about best laid plans once, but I'm not one for reading. Anyway, about the perfect thing, it's decent to get close. And close with Leah? It's just about There.


End file.
